8 signs he is not into you!

I realize I am violating "Code 46 article III" in The Book of Man Law which prohibits the dissemination of information on known male methods and practices to females. In addition to that I am highly compromising my own well being and will probably need to be in witness protection to hide from a dangerous female backlash. In any case here are the signs! (Also read "10 signs she is JUST not into you")

1. Booty Call: If a guy is into you, there is an interesting window in which he will send texts or call you. This is between 1200pm and 5:59pm. Earlier than noon makes him look desperately pathetic and possibly jobless. After 11pm is the official booty call zone. He has definitely failed in every other attempt to court a female he actually likes. After 2am constitutes a felony booty call. Confronted with failure, you are the last ditch effort; the proverbial Hail Mary pass.

2. Seriously I didn't notice you were next to me: If a guy likes you he will quickly show you off. If he hesitates introducing you to people, he is hoping to avoid ridicule. He is hoping that you will pass for a retail store manikin standing next to him modeling an empire waist blouse.

3. Karen...No...Katie...oh...Sandra! I mean this one is rather obvious. If you meet him more than twice and he can't remember your name, this is an issue. He is probably hitting "Delete" then clicking on "Recycling Bin" and finally selecting the "Empty Recycle bin" option every time you meet.

4. Dark Night: Guys love to parade girls they are into. They will attend social events and functions with them. In all the aforementioned, there will be adequate light so people can actually see you. If he only walks with you in the dark, takes short cuts and looks suspiciously around as if he stole something you need to get the hint girl.

5. THE NO SHOW: He is not into you if he doesn't show up for your important events. Hold on ladies. I know some of you think everything you do is really important but some events are more important than others. For example, a "Sex in City" Marathon is certainly not as important as a "Walk For Cancer" fund raiser.

6. The Busy Bee: We are rarely too busy to see you. We are just doing something or seeing someone better. You will be surprised at the ability of the loins to manufacture free time!

7. Part of the Crowd: If a guy is into you, he will create someway to make you the focus of a conversation. He will refer to you, glance at you, tease you etc. If you feel like a piece of furniture in the group you should just hope someone brought furniture polish.

8. Whiskey Prick: When a guy has to be drunk to hang out with you, this is a dead give away. He likely needs alcohol to make you more attractive. Studies have shown that consuming 12 ounces of beer makes a female appear 32.4% more attractive.

My police escort has arrived. I got to go! Catch you all soon!

I always appreciate ladies who are comfortable and natural. As for advice, below is a link to an ebook that Oprah, the queen of advice, has endorsed. Check it out, there is useful information in there.