Are you failing with women? Are you wearing your failure like a heavy blanket on a hot day? The issue is not that you fail, it is why you fail! In order to change, you must run a diagnostic on your game. I have prepared a short survey that you should administer to a woman after you unsuccessfully flirt with her. Unsuccessful flirting may include anything from: failure to obtain a number, casual disinterest, being spat on, slapped or pepper sprayed. Below is an example of a completed survey. The identities of the individuals involved have been omitted for security reasons.(oh and its not me!)
Post Flirtation Survey: Administered by: %^&#canlegend
1) What was your first impression of me?
A) Handsome and Approachable
B) Moderate looking but intriguing
C) No recorded social impact
D) Sketchy
E) A Raging Douchbag!
Answer: I was immediately put off by your triple popped collar and blindingly cheap jewelry you had on. In addition to that, wearing sun glasses at 1143pm is a poor choice. You also had a Bluetooth Headset which is universally accepted as the symbol of Douchbaggery. So I'd have to go with D “Ragging Douchbag”. That's my final answer.
2) What did you think of my pickup line?
Answer: If my self-esteem had not been brutally crushed earlier in the night I'd run for the hills. "Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?" is not the best pick up line in the world. You don't really want to make the girl feel like a prostitute.
3) If you gave me a score out of ten for how interesting the conversation was what would it be?
Answer: I have to give you credit for the most part. You brought up great things about classic books, poems and politics. You lost your way when you started talking about the chemical composition of Diarrhea. I have never explicitly had the desire to know such a fact. You should also have taken into consideration the fact that I was eating Shepard's Pie at the time. I will give you a 6/10.
4) Any tips or advice you can offer me for future flirtations?
Answer: Brush your teeth next time. Especially if you intend on invading people's personal space. Also, definitely invest in a shower next time. Just masking your odor with "Axe" body spray should only be used in the most desperate of situations. Also don't hit on all my friends before you get to me....yeah I saw that!
5) Do you have any sisters or friends that are single and available. If so, please list their phone numbers in descending order from greatest chance to least.
Answer:
My sister Susie (6098975678)
I really hate my sister so I'd love to recommend you to her.
My cousin Lauren (7899033567)
She is on the heavy side but you are black so i am sure you might appreciate more “cushion for the pushin”.
My BFF Kate (6789565601)
Kate is my BFF. I am really in love with her BF so if you can distract her for a short while I'll be able to steal him.
4 comments:
It's pretty funny to look at guys who are trying to flirt ))) Guys always check if the phone number I give them is correct at the time I give it to them, so I just give them my real one....hahaha. If I give them my number I can get rid of them quickly and I can enjoy the rest of the night)))))) But in my phone book instead of their name I just put "DO NOT RESPOND". So even if girls give you a phone number is does not mean you have succeeded )))))))
That's COOLLDD BLOODED hahaha. Yes a number doesn't mean that much these days... What you need to do is inject her with a mild sedative and implant a Google Maps GPS tracking device in her neck. OR I guess the girl can just say no like in the old days hahaha. Whatever is simplest.
Disclaimer: Please do not try this at home you may run the risk of damaging your GPS device.
"No" might have worked in the old days but it doesn't now. I think the male brain has developed some sort of mechanism that censors out the bits that might hurt their feelings. so you're trying to get rid of them (nicely) and they just hear "beep, i beep want to give you my number,"
"you seem like a really nice guy beep you're beep the type i would get involved with."
"beep, i Beep have sex on first dates."
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