By The Webmaster and SparklingJem
According to Stuff-About’s latest poll, MEN are the biggest liars. 61% of you thought men lied more than women. Yes, I know I wasn’t surprised either. According to James Mathers of the World Institute of Nuero Evolution, most men have a capacity to lie at an astonishing rate of 58 lies per second. This is faster than the speed at which they think, which explains why most of their lies are pathetically implausible. Men lie ultimately for two reasons. To make themselves look better in front of other men and to get laid.
Though the lies have evolved, the “lying” function of the male brain has been around for thousands of years. While the human brain has evolved in many ways, allowing us to live longer, communicate over greater distances and kill people in more advanced ways, the system override is survival of our genes. Prehistoric man, even before he could communicate through speech, found ways to make himself look bigger, stronger and more aggressive in order to scare off potential competitors or other threats. He also did this to impress women who would choose a mate based on his physical strength, in order to ensure her offspring had the benefit of good genes. Over the years, this ability has strengthened and evolved. “They just can’t help it,” says Mathers. “There is an impulse which overrides logic, social conditioning, conscience, everything. The male brain is programmed to lie.” He then told me he had a 99 inch penis, drove a Ferrari and was awarded a Nobel Prize for science at the age of 5.
WAIT ONE SECOND SPARKLINGJEM!!!
All these results tell me is that most of the readers of this blog are probably female. The true answer to this question does not need a poll or a Doctor with Eminem's last name to support its credence. It is obvious from casual observation that women lie way more than men! Men just don't realize it because we generally do not listen to women, and often slip into a state known as autopilot (see article) to protect our sanity. Lying is such an integral part of a woman's life that it has evolved to a point where they can no longer draw the distinction between facts and big fat lies.
On average, women use about 20000 words in a day verses a man who uses about 7000. Since the usage of 7000 words in a day can suffice, it must be acknowledged that a woman has a potential 13000 additional words to fill up the “Big Fat Lie Meter”. Kitchen parties, Girls Night Out, Church, Baby Showers etc. are all venues for women to talk about other women and create lies in a male free environment. Men have significantly less gatherings devoted to deception. Women are even reticent about being friends with one another in reverence to their own ability to bend reality with crafty lies. Women are finding solace in men, gay men in particular, who may on occasion display female-like traits but lack the God given ability to lie.
Women lie about a plethora of things. They lie about what they are doing, their age, whether they have boyfriends, their weight, height, favorite foods, dress sizes, the list is endless. Women always lie but their motives for lying, which granted are generally more meaningful, to make the lies seem merited or necessary in some cases. Ask a woman what she is doing and she will likely tell you she is doing her laundry, when in actual fact, Steve is over, naked on her couch watching “I love New York” and smoking a cigarette. Ladies I hate to say this to you, but that's a lie. Just because you are protecting someone’s feelings, doesn't mean it's not a lie. Women are definitely the “BIGGEST FATTEST MOST FREQUENT LIARS”
Webmaster, you clearly wrote that reply faster than you can think!!
While studies show that women do lie, it is usually only when extremely necessary. For instance telling the creepy video store guy that you have a 6’6” body building boyfriend so he stops leering at your breasts and slipping lesbian porn in with Sex in the City and Mean Girls into your bag. The fact that men say 13000 less words a day simply means that there are 13000 words worth of things they are OMMITTING to tell you. Lying by omission is most certainly STILL LYING!
Polling results: "Who are the biggest fattest liars? MEN or WOMEN?"
8:34 AM
Isaac Lungu
