"Yipsters": At an overpriced coffee shop near you!!`

By Kevin MacLean.

They’re trendy, energy efficient, well off, and the worst thing to happen to popular culture since 3Oh3! and the PT Cruiser. YIPSTERS! You may have noticed them in a neighborhood near you.

The word itself is pretty self explanatory: when a yuppie acts like a hipster, a yipster is born. They want the coolness of being a hipster, but the laptop of a yuppie. They have the fashion of a hipster, but live in the tax bracket of a yuppie. They want the benefits of being both, but don’t have the stones to commit to either, so they suck. Finding them isn’t hard. Just go to all the places a hipster would go, if he won the lottery. In NYC, neighborhoods like Soho, Park Slope, and Carroll Gardens are crawling with them.

At first glance it is nearly impossible for the untrained eye to spot a yipster. But if you look closely you’ll see that what appears to be shaggy, unkept hair is actually the product of a $40 hair cut from some downtown salon and daily meticulous care. The guys probably have facial hair and some ridiculous hat that you would get your ass kicked for wearing in 30 of the lower 48 states.They often wear sunglasses, but some $300 pair designer brand and not the Chuckie Cheese pairs that are more within true hipster price range. A beach cruiser is a plus and skinny jeans are a must. “Distressed” Jeans that cost upwards of $200 that no self respecting punk or hipster would ever put on.



Your neighborhood, overpriced yipster coffee shop. (Only Malawian and Cambodian Coffee is served!!)

The yipster would probably have some job that Juno would think was cool. A graphic designer or some administrative job for a major TV company or record label that would allow them to get ample use out of their skinny tie collection.They frequent coffeehouses and wherever the new up and coming neighborhood is at. Anywhere they can go to shout about the impoverished and ignorant with like minded people in their brand new indie rock band t-shirt.

But all of that isn’t the real reason why yipsters are to be despised. No, just like the real reason to loathe anyone, it comes down to their personality and general outlook on everyone else. They think they’re cooler than those uptight yuppies because they wear the right clothes and listen to all of the trendiest music. And of course they’re better than all of those hipsters because they make more than 35K a year and can afford all of that cool stuff that hipster’s wish they could have. They live in all the nicest neighborhoods and eating out doesn’t mean you’re getting McDonald’s but you’d better believe they got floor tickets to Wilco’s next show. They love talking about some acquaintance of theirs that recently made it as a painter or actor or anyone that makes them seem closer to the art scene. Maybe they even own a nice Les Paul, which they never got around to learning how to play. They all think they are just too cool for school. But we all know what happens to kids who don’t go to school. They might think they are hot shit now but they all end up homeless, living under an overpass of the BQE or giving handjobs for a five-dollar-foot long (Stay in school kids!!).

Since they aren’t really either, they think they’re better than everyone. But really, they’re worse. It’s like Daniel Day Lewis said when he paraphrased “Revelations” in “Gangs of New York”, “You are neither hot nor cold. So because you are luke warm, I spew you out of my mouth!” See, even God hates yipsters...well sort of.houston fences

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