President Obama negotiates the safe return of Africanlegend (AL) from Russian captivity: Cold War II averted.

by The Webmaster.

Africanlegend is currently on his way back to the headquarters of stuff-about.com after being released from a detention camp in Pskov, Russia. Last Friday evening, following an article on Stuff-about.com, Lieutenant Anna Elaneskova of the Russian militia forces that kidnapped AL contacted US authorities with information regarding AL's whereabouts. She explained that AL had sought refuge in Russia, after General Katerina Lovoskova had promised him shelter, food and a place to stay. As soon as he arrived in Pskov, he was captured, forced to be a sex slave, and detained indefinitely. Lieutenant Anna feared that the political implications of his detention could lead to another Cold War, so she promptly contacted US authorities. It has also been speculated that Anna and the General Katerina had a fight over rights to their handsome, black captive. “General Katerina and her band of female Russian foot soldiers are extremely hot, don't get me wrong!” said a fatigued but relieved AL. “I was enjoying myself a lot, but the whole, no food, no water, and violent beatings thing did not sit too well with me.”

General Katerina and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton were in talks early last Friday to negotiate the safe release of AL, but after several cat fights, it became clear that President Obama himself needed to get involved. President Obama traveled to Pskov, Russia where he held talks with General Katerina. After 7 grueling hours, President Obama managed to use his charm and verbal mastery to negotiate the safe return of AL. Following AL's release, President Obama spoke exclusively to Stuff-about.com about the recent developments. He explained that people should not live in fear of "Jungle Fever" and should carry on their lives as they normally would. President Obama also debunked the rumors that the government is conducting laboratory experiments that involve merging Caucasian genes with African genes to create an ultimate synchronized swimming team (read article). The President went on to explain the nature of the negotiations that led to the eventual return of Africanlegend.

PRESIDENT OBAMA'S SPEECH




All in all, we are very happy to have Africanlegend back safely and he is anxious to resume his writing duties once he recovers from the trauma he experienced.

Posted in: Politics