Stuff Black People like (Volume 1)

By Africanlegend.

Stuffwhitepeoplelike.com gave a fantastic examination of the subconscious mind and habits of white people. Now we will explore the fantastic world of black people, scientifically known as Homo sapien negriodus. Naturally, white people may be preparing themselves to be indignantly offended by this post, when instead they should treat it more like a guide or words of insight.

(caution please do not assume ALL black people will fall within the grasp of this examination. That may lead to an ass whipping!)

1. Fried chicken: Without a shadow of a doubt, this is the single thing black people enjoy most of all. It is the equivalent of turkey for white people. Getting in between a black man and chicken could result in violence, death and many other health related risks. Everybody likes chicken, but after the “Feather Distribution Treaty” of 1765, white people agreed to make turkey their official food and black people agreed to make chicken theirs. Since then it has become a source of pride in the black community and nobody knows how to make it quite like a black woman.

2. "More cushion for the pushing": Black people love a big girl. There are very few circumstances where a black man may consider a women overly blessed in the weight department. In fact in most cases the bigger the better. Unlike their Caucasian counterparts, black guys expect their woman to eat at least 11 times a day, as opposed to 0-1 times a week.

3. Exaggerating Stories: A black person will never let facts get in the way of a good story. Often events will be altered to such a degree from reality, that some may just call them "lies". If there was one person, it turns into 1000 people, a ray of light becomes an explosion, and there is always a misplaced celebrity like Tom Cruise who just happened to be there. A black person may even take one of their friend's stories and super-impose themselves into it. While white people love facts and take stories at face value, the black community is competitive and each individual is looking to be the one telling the most incredible, ludicrous story.



4. Noise: Ever gone to a movie theater and expected peace and quiet, then a horde of black people walk in and just ruin it for you? Before long you are looking at a picture on a screen but listening to a blackalogue of commentary about, “some girl hatin' on some sister” or “some guy tryna step up to some other guy”. Truth be told, you will always hear black people before you see them. Statistics say you can hear a black person telling a story from up to 60.45 miles away during the day and up to 203.6 miles away at night. Black people just love to be expressive, loud and energetic.

5. Being Late: This is a universal black trait so it can easily be concluded that black people probably like it. A black person may be way ahead of schedule, but they will decide to do something that will cause them to be late. Like watch a youtube video, talking to a stranger or taking the later bus. The truth is there is a genetic marker in the black person which causes excessive anxiety if they arrive early at an event. The white person has no problem with promptness and will often be ridiculous enough to arrive 1 hour early to a party so they do not miss any of it.

6. White Girls: This is something a black man has found difficult to resist historically, to the disdain of the black sisters out there. This Jungle Fever (read article) outbreak generally does not affect white men since the black man often picks white girls that white guys are more than willing to give away. In fact unknown to most of you, a treaty was signed in 1856 between black and white guys permitting black guys to only take white women with at least some degree of "cushion for the pushing" or who eat at least 3 solid meals a day.

7. Dancing: All black people simply can't resist dancing to any rhythmic sounds. These sounds include reggae, ragga, dance hall, hip-hop, reggae tone etc. However, the black brain processes music like techno, house, rock and alternative as repulsive, in-congruent noise. Endowed with less hip and leg muscles, white people are generally not able to match black peoples' dancing abilities and tend to look upon their dancing habit with a degree of scorn.

8. Obama: Naturally black people love President Obama! This is not just because he represents a symbol of achievement and success in the black community, but also because of what his election actually meant for the immediate future. It meant for at least a couple of weeks, black people did not have to listen to white people anymore. In weeks following Obama's election, black people got to do anything they wanted. Most didn't attend their jobs, had week-long barbecues, cut lines or simply found the nearest white person, jumped them and said "we told you so". Black unemployment rates rose by 13% as a result.





Volume 2 coming soon featuring Tiger Woods and Michael Jackson!!!