By Sparklingjem.
Who says break-ups have to be tragic, horrible events. Here’s how to plan your break-up so it’s fun and entertaining. Once you have gone through the pre-break up steps, he should be (subconsciously) getting the picture and now it’s time to move on to the actual break up. This is the fun part, so take the time to plan it properly. Here are the key steps to follow to ensure the highest degree of effectiveness without missing the entertainment value.
WARNING: if you think he may become a danger to himself or anyone else after you break up with him, call a counsellor or a police officer. Do not try to diffuse a potentially dangerous situation yourself.
1. Break up with him in person.
Breaking up by e-mail, announcing it on facebook or “tweeting it" may seem like fun, but if you do this, you will miss out on enjoying his reaction and will have no sense of closure. Also you will be unable to record a high definition video of the incident and broadcast it on youtube.
2. Make sure he hears it from you first.
If he has heard about it from other people, he will be waiting for it. He may spoil your fun by pre-empting you or by avoiding situations where you can break up with him effectively; thus forcing you to resort to email, facebook or twitter.
3. Do it in front of a “live studio audience”.
For the most effective break up, wait until you have a large audience of people, consisting mostly of his friends and family. This will cause him the maximum amount of pain and humiliation. A friends’ party or a family function is good but for best results I recommend a wedding, even better if it’s your own.
4. Be honest and open about why you want to break up.
Be as blunt and as brutal as possible, it will be better for him in the long run to know the truth. If you are breaking up with him because you are disturbed by the “I love Miley Cyrus” tattoo on his inner thigh, tell him and make sure everyone else hears too. Other girls have the right to be forewarned.
5. Use crying as a weapon of mass destruction.
If he starts to beg and plead with you, you could be firm but he will probably go on for hours. To cut down on the time, burst into tears instead. He will be so horrified, he will immediately back off. For extra effectiveness scream very loudly that he is ruining your life. This will make everyone around him give him evil glares, making the situation even more uncomfortable for him.
6. Do the "friends thing."
Don’t forget to end with “I hope we can still be friends.” Yes I know you don’t, but you never know when you might need a guy with an "I love Miley Cyrus tattoo" for something (perhaps you’re doing a raise awareness campaign for people with mental disabilities) and it’s best not to completely burn your bridges.
