Exodus 1 chapter 3: If black people all went back to Africa (Volume 1).

By Africanlegend.

I was once told by a white man of less than pleasant demeanor that the USA would better off if all black people, myself included, went back to Africa. I am certain that if that suggestion had been made to pre-emancipation slaves, they'd have jumped at the chance like a white woman would if offered a ticket to the Oprah Winfrey show. I was just about to take offense and resort to "Niggerisms" when I decided to ponder over the idea. What would happen if black people all went back to Africa?

1. A Caucasian female mass exodus.
Jungle fever is a disease that affects many non-black women. As Stuff-about.com found out, there is no real cure for Jungle Fever. The only solution for sufferers is to embrace it, thereby feeding its hunger for the dark chocolate love. If all black people embarked on a "Moses-like exodus" back to Africa, it would have dire consequences on Jungle fever sufferers. It would leave many white women sad, lonely and depressed, or WORSE having to date white men again! While eventually they might evolve in a few millenia to once again be attracted to their own, its more likely they would just leave the Western world to follow the chocolate love train. The result of this would be that the West would loose 78.53% of its female population.

2. Everything would run on time.
As you may have read in Stuff-about.com's articles “Stuff Black People like Volume 1” and “African Time,” black people have a tendency to be tardy to events and late to gatherings and parties. This type of behavior destroys the perfectly perfect harmony the white man works so hard to maintain. If all black people just disappeared, a perfectly ordered world would exist. If a party started at 8pm, everybody would arrive at 7:45pm (to help set up). If the party ended at 12am, everyone would leave at 11:15pm to make sure the host could be in bed by 12:10am. Sad, I know.

3. Professional sports records will never be broken again.
With the exception of Ice Hockey, Swimming, Equestrian, Darts and other “sports” that black people collectively got together and decided not to dominate, a situation would be set up such that every current black sports record would probably remain intact. Without the additional muscle in the calf, white athletes would find it extremely difficult to break current black-held records. In addition to that, without black people, sports leagues like the NBA and NFL would file for bankruptcy and consequently shut down. Baseball would continue to flourish as very little actual athleticism is required. After all, solving their problems appears to be an extremely simple task; thus far, its nothing a cup or steroid enhanced water couldn't fix.

4. Police sketch artists would have to start doing their job.
No more slacking off at work and watching seventies pornographic videos on government-issued computers. With the exodus of black people, police sketch artists would be required to do their job and start making police sketches based on actual descriptions. No longer will it suffice to produce generic sketches of a black male between 3 feet and 14 feet tall with big lips and a big nose, that bizarrely resembles all of us . Since the police would now be dealing with white people, they would be under pressure to produce as many as ten generic sketches of average looking white dudes.

5. Golf would become a white sport again.
For years the world has disputed Tiger Woods' race. If black people all left, they would most certainly claim Tiger Woods as 100% black. Naturally, Tiger Woods would resist joining the movement and hide somewhere safe like Connecticut. After months of searching, he'd finally be captured, kidnapped, and taken to Africa. Once in Africa, he'd be forced to wear black clothing labels like FUBU and Sean John for the rest of his life as punishment. Just to cover all bases, black people would even take golfer Vijay Singh. Although Vijay is admittedly Indian, recent color spectrum analysis done at Stuff-about.com's Institute of Racial Determination Studies found that he is darker than 85% of black people excluding exceptionally dark black people like Wesley Snipes, Seal, Kevin Garnett and anyone of Sudanese descent.

SEE HOW TIGER WOODS DID IN THE RACE DRAFT!

Racial Draft

Tim | MySpace Video


VOLUME 2 COMING SOON....cuz we haven't even gotten into what would happen to fried chicken!