By "Sparkling-Legend" (yet another stupid celebrity couple name!)
Ladies will often try to communicate with the most subtle hints and signals to ward off ravenous, salivating males. The fact of the matter is the male brain is only capable of direct, obtuse communication that is clear and concise. Men will most likely not get the message if you text them less, or don't answer their calls. However, if you place your intended message on an obnoxiously titanic billboard that flashes the words in lime green and red on the interstate highway, there is a SLIGHTLY higher chance they might decode it. Here are a few ways to make your hints get the message across. Use them BUT don't abuse them. (Also see 10 signs she's not into you)
1. The insurmountable obstacle tactic.
If he happens to mention any topic, event, person or thing that he likes, express your hatred for it vehemently and then claim it is an insurmountable obstacle to you EVER being together.
For Example:
Ravenous Guy: Hey I really love kittens! :-)
Girl: Oh my God! I really HATE kittens. Why would I like stupid little animals that play with balls of wool all day! In fact I am actually allergic to kittens AND to men that like kittens. Actually, I think I am breaking out in hives already! Clearly we can never be together!
2. No plan is a better plan.
If the over zealous male in question asks you what you are doing at the weekend, you can usually take this to be the precursor to him asking you out. Respond enthusiastically by stating that you have absolutely no plans at all. He will then ask you out. Follow that by saying you made a commitment to having no plans and you really don't want to flake out on that.
3. Text Evasion Don’t reply to every one of his text messages.
Start by only answering 2 out of every 3 he sends; gradually increase the number of texts you ignore until you are averaging about 1 in 15.3 texts. In fact, once you have perfected this method, you can go so far as to simply not answer a text for as long as an entire month and then claim you could not free up the 0.34 seconds necessary to respond to it.
4. The national "Do not call ME list".
Don’t answer his calls, let it ring and then text back instead, effectively placing him on the national "do not call ME list". Begin to limit the amount of time you spend together by claiming to be “super-busy”. Never give specific reasons that he can argue with just say, “Oh. I’m busy.” You can take this a step further and actually give specific reasons that are highly implausible. (Also read: What she REALLY means!)
For Example:
Ravenous Male: Hey why didn't you return my call? Girl: “Well, see my cat makes terrible relationship choices. Like now she is seeing this Dog! I told her that this plan was going to bite her in the ass someday. SURE AS HELL, the dog bit her this weekend. I really had to be there for my cat! You understand right?”
5. Super-otherman.
When you are with him, begin to talk about other men as if they possess super powers.
For Example:
Girl: Today someone dropped a packet of M&M’s from the 174th floor of the building we were walking past. Thankfully, Steve managed to teleport down, catch every single one of them and then run back up the side of the building to give them back. Steve is so awesome. Did you do anything today that required super powers?
6. Ex-communication
Don’t communicate with him over the weekend, when he asks why; say you were too busy to call him. Then give him an itinerary of ridiculously boring activities you did in lieu of calling. Preferably things that illustrate the abundance of opportunity you had to call.
For Example:
Ravenous male: Why didn’t you call me this weekend?”
Girl: “Oh, I was WAY too busy.”
Guy: “Oh”
Girl: “Yeah. I worked out that an average of eight yellow cars drive past my window in an hour and I watched a Hannah Montana marathon on Disney channel. Oh I also re-created the final battle from Lord of the Rings by making all 95270 characters out of origami. So I mean I just couldn't possibly cram you in”
Comments from the editor:
LOL I once told someone I was going to do my laundry for an entire weekend 24/7 and he said, " Look, if you don’t want to go out with me just say so!"
HAHA I wish I had known The Lord of the Rings character creation excuse; that would have been classic!
