Vocabulary: TEXT-TE-CUTION

This is the process by which someone is reprimanded, told off or set straight through the reception of a barrage of well aimed, rapid fire text messages. The fierce speed at which the assault comes can be compared to the world's fastest machine gun which can fire 1,000,000 rounds per minute or 16600 bullets a second. The purpose of a Text-te-cution is to simulate a live argument. It is a recent trend inspired by the younger generation's disdain for communicating with one another through more conventional, archaic, almost obsolete methods like face to face conversation and hanging out.

The Text-te-cution is designed so that the recipient has no opportunity to text back any response that might explain or defend themselves. Although the Text-te-cution is performed equally and ruthlessly by both genders, due to women's superior texting skills and delicately dainty fingers, the average man stands no match in an all out text war without using shrewd tactics (like calling). At Stuff-about.com's Institute of Electronics and Social Sciences, it was found that the average man can text up to 65 texts per minute compared to the average women who can send up to 3000. This finding led us to the conclusion that the female, with her ninja-like texting skills, makes the ultimate Text-te-cutioner.


Example
Girl: hey where are you? I miss you mwah xoxoxo
(5 seconds later)
Boy: At Dave's watching the Liverpool game.
(6 seconds later)
Girl: Right now?
(10 seconds later)
Boy: Yeah...how are you lol... I miss you too watermelon!
(3 seconds later)
Girls: Yeah that's funny because Dave is right here with us. Where the hell are you?????
(1 second later)
Girl: If you think being dishonest is the way to go then this relationship has no chance!!!
(9/10ths of a second later)
Girl: And I didn't want to bring it up but the premature ejaculation thing is really getting to me.'
(1/5th of a second later)
Girl: First you lie about where you are, and then you have the audacity to prematurely ejaculate on a Sunday for that matter!!!!
(Speed of Sound)
Boy: Wait whats going on?? ← (ignored)
Girl: And yes ALL this time I've been faking it.
(Speed of light)
Girl: So you know what? As for this little relationship we have...I'M PREMATURLY EVACUATING!!!!!!
(Faster than God runs the 100m sprint)
Girl: Because I don't need this crap from a Dbag like you. If I wanted to date a Dbag, I'd date Kanye West. I deserve better so you need to R.E.S.P.E.C.T ME!!
[Boy calls because he recognizes he has been TEXT-TE-CUTED]

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