Medical Bills discovered to be the biggest killer in the US.

By Africanlegend.

A recent study has concluded that medical bills are biggest killer of United States residents, closely edging out: cancer, heart disease, HIV, and exposure to Michael Bolton music. This revelation has come after a 3 year long study from Stuff-About.com's Institute of Medical Research, which found that an increasing number of Americans were suffering from heart failure, stroke, brain aneurysms and other related diseases after receiving their exorbitant medical bills.

In 2007, the US spent and average of $7,421 per resident and accounted for 16.2% of the nation’s Gross Domestic Product (GDP). These figures are no doubt rising every year. Many residents simply have no idea where to turn to. “I was perfectly healthy before I went for a check up this year,” explained Isaac, an irate Cambridge resident. Isaac even claimed the doctor pointed out that he had not seen a healthy, black, athletic specimen like him since he gave Michael Jordan a check up 13 years ago. Isaac went on to explain, “I received a my bill in the mail 2 weeks later and it had so many zeros I thought it was the week's lottery cash prize. I had a minor stroke and ended up hospitalized for 3 days. I have consequently had 3 strokes due to subsequent bills I received from all the previous strokes.” This is not atypical as medical bill related hospitalizations have been increasing by 30.91% every year since 2007.

There are several other hazards associated with the US health Care System that are claiming lives and causing illness. If you have an emergency, ironically the emergency room is the last place you might want to go to for help. “Emergency room! It felt more like purgatory, a slow painful journey into the abyss.” explained a livid Mr Remy who reportedly spent 8 hours in an emergency room nursing a broken toe he sustained at a Nascar Rally. "I waited forever! Then the Doctor came in asked me how I was doing, took my temperature, stole my wallet and left. It lasted about 3 minutes tops!" Mr Remy explained that later he had to be treated for starvation, dehydration, extreme fatigue and dementia on account of his never ending wait. “Oh and if the wait won't kill you, the medical bill certainly will!” Mr Remy also added that he had lost 5 friends that year to medical bill related injuries.

With medical costs being 44% higher than the next highest country Switzerland, President Obama is currently campaigning for a public option to help drive down the cost of privatized health care. This would provide competition and offer a cheaper public option. Sounds reasonable right? Well we shall wait and see if it can come to fruition because If there is one thing politics has in abundance it is "say no for no reason douchebags."

Polling results: "Who are the biggest fattest liars? MEN or WOMEN?"

By The Webmaster and SparklingJem

According to Stuff-About’s latest poll, MEN are the biggest liars. 61% of you thought men lied more than women. Yes, I know I wasn’t surprised either. According to James Mathers of the World Institute of Nuero Evolution, most men have a capacity to lie at an astonishing rate of 58 lies per second. This is faster than the speed at which they think, which explains why most of their lies are pathetically implausible. Men lie ultimately for two reasons. To make themselves look better in front of other men and to get laid.

Though the lies have evolved, the “lying” function of the male brain has been around for thousands of years. While the human brain has evolved in many ways, allowing us to live longer, communicate over greater distances and kill people in more advanced ways, the system override is survival of our genes. Prehistoric man, even before he could communicate through speech, found ways to make himself look bigger, stronger and more aggressive in order to scare off potential competitors or other threats. He also did this to impress women who would choose a mate based on his physical strength, in order to ensure her offspring had the benefit of good genes. Over the years, this ability has strengthened and evolved. “They just can’t help it,” says Mathers. “There is an impulse which overrides logic, social conditioning, conscience, everything. The male brain is programmed to lie.” He then told me he had a 99 inch penis, drove a Ferrari and was awarded a Nobel Prize for science at the age of 5.

WAIT ONE SECOND SPARKLINGJEM!!!

All these results tell me is that most of the readers of this blog are probably female. The true answer to this question does not need a poll or a Doctor with Eminem's last name to support its credence. It is obvious from casual observation that women lie way more than men! Men just don't realize it because we generally do not listen to women, and often slip into a state known as autopilot (see article) to protect our sanity. Lying is such an integral part of a woman's life that it has evolved to a point where they can no longer draw the distinction between facts and big fat lies.

On average, women use about 20000 words in a day verses a man who uses about 7000. Since the usage of 7000 words in a day can suffice, it must be acknowledged that a woman has a potential 13000 additional words to fill up the “Big Fat Lie Meter”. Kitchen parties, Girls Night Out, Church, Baby Showers etc. are all venues for women to talk about other women and create lies in a male free environment. Men have significantly less gatherings devoted to deception. Women are even reticent about being friends with one another in reverence to their own ability to bend reality with crafty lies. Women are finding solace in men, gay men in particular, who may on occasion display female-like traits but lack the God given ability to lie.

Women lie about a plethora of things. They lie about what they are doing, their age, whether they have boyfriends, their weight, height, favorite foods, dress sizes, the list is endless. Women always lie but their motives for lying, which granted are generally more meaningful, to make the lies seem merited or necessary in some cases. Ask a woman what she is doing and she will likely tell you she is doing her laundry, when in actual fact, Steve is over, naked on her couch watching “I love New York” and smoking a cigarette. Ladies I hate to say this to you, but that's a lie. Just because you are protecting someone’s feelings, doesn't mean it's not a lie. Women are definitely the “BIGGEST FATTEST MOST FREQUENT LIARS”

Webmaster, you clearly wrote that reply faster than you can think!!

While studies show that women do lie, it is usually only when extremely necessary. For instance telling the creepy video store guy that you have a 6’6” body building boyfriend so he stops leering at your breasts and slipping lesbian porn in with Sex in the City and Mean Girls into your bag. The fact that men say 13000 less words a day simply means that there are 13000 words worth of things they are OMMITTING to tell you. Lying by omission is most certainly STILL LYING!

The History of "The Whitepology"

By The Webmaster.

A Whitepology is an act in which a Caucasian excessively apologizes regardless of whether or not they are actually at fault. Although this phenomenon is most commonly observed in Caucasian women, on the whole it has been widely accepted as a classic, cross gender, Caucasian behavioral condition.

Recent studies have come to light showing the origins of this behavioral pattern through history. Prior to the abolishment of slavery, most Caucasians did not apologize for anything and “borrowed” natural resources and people across the globe as they saw fit. As a result, the aggregate Whitepologies per minute records were low to non existent.

After the abolishment of slavery in 1866 following “The Civil War,” Whitepologies saw a sharp spike rivaled only by the spread of the HIV virus and Girls Gone Wild videos. This was a protective mechanism to calm down a lot of angry black people with only “40 acres and mule” as payment for centuries of promotion-worthy endeavor. In recent times, the Whitepology has survived as a means of being overly accommodating to black people in order to relieve their social anxiety.
On November 5, 2008, Barack Obama was elected president of the United States. Being an African American, this sent waves of panic in Caucasian circles. Caucasians feared: job loss, persecution, discrimination and the disappearance of Turkey Sandwiches all together. As a result, a slight but significant increase in Whitepologies has been observed in 2009. Post Obama racial conditions are projected to cause Whitepologies to increase and graphically approach infinity by the year 3123.

10 clues that you are addicted to facebook

By Africanlegend.

1. You reply to your friends comments after ± 0.3 seconds. You prey on their every comment like a tiger stalks its prey. Before they can finish responding, you ambush them with a un-respondable, “hahah that's awesome!!”. Sometimes you are so fast your response is quicker than the post and Facebook momentarily crashes.

2. You are a member of more than 3000 useless Facebook groups including: “Save the African Children”, “Bring Peace to Asia”, “Kanye West is a Dbag” and “I love my cat”.

3. You tell people you have a new Job. They all swarm around you to congratulate you. Very shortly thereafter they disappear when they find out the “Job” is to build a drug cartel in Havana, Cuba in Mafia Wars. You proceed to email your boss for advice and he recommends you pack your belongings and relieve yourself of your employment.

4. You have miniaturized your stalking habit by enabling Facebook mobile access. Now you have facebook at your finger tips at all times. At the bar, at work, even at your best friend's funeral. Amidst the mourning, you quickly sneak in a status update that reads “R.I.P Jack! Looking for a new BFF!”

5. You used to be the picture of athleticism with your sexy six pack, long sleek legs and trapezius muscles. As a result of sitting on Facebook and chomping nachos all day, you look like Oprah in one of her “off periods” or Kirsty Alley (in general).

6. Work has become a nice break from Facebook. Now you’re trying to rush your memo, get that presentation wrapped up or breeze through your open heart surgery just so you can poke Jenn and send her a martini on Facebook.

7. You actually go to a place mentioned on someone's status, like a party named “LA PASION” in Cambridge, MA, in hopes of seeing them in real life. Not only is that creepy, but I am pretty sure you can get arrested for that. In fact the next piece of mail you will get is a restraining order.

8. Your workplace prevents you from using Facebook. You start to develop symptoms not so different from the withdrawal symptoms of a crack addict. Your symptoms include: agitation, depression, fatigue, anxiety, nausea or vomiting and angry outbursts. All this is accompanied by a cold sweat. You commit yourself to rehab to get out of work but not before you google all the rehab facilities with Facebook access.

9. You decide to rob a house. You do everything correctly and make your escape seamlessly. Within an hour you are apprehended because during the robbery you couldn't resist sneaking a peak at Jill's status message. You forget to log off and basically leave the cops: your name, address, current city, relationship status, hobbies, favorite quote etc. To top it all, your status reads “Just robbed a house...having a beer at the O'tools bar on 51st and Broadway.” That actually happened!! (Burglar Arrested After Checking Facebook During Robbery)

10. To really drive the point home, I posted a link to this article on Facebook. You clicked the link within 0.3 seconds. Replied with an unrespondable “hahah that's awesome”, poked me, invited me to a random, useless group, gave me a job to do in mafia wars, and now you are reading this article. YOU STALKER GET A LIFE!! HAHA.

Is AfricanLegend's (AL) suspension linked to a top secret government operation?

Written by Sparklingjem.

Recent reports have come to light suggesting that AfricanLegend's recent suspension from www.stuff-about.com on charges of racial insensitivity may be a plot to discredit AL. This is after he wrote a controversial article detailing the symptoms of a little known disease called Jungle Fever (read article). “Many people living with Jungle Fever feel they have been marginalised by society” says Professor Grey, founder of the Support Centre for People Living with Jungle Fever. “Why is the government ignoring this pandemic?” A government spokesperson said that they were doing their best to avoid a national panic, especially among parents of young white females, who seem to be most susceptible to the disease. One woman, who wishes to remain anonymous, claimed that this disease had caused havoc amongst her four daughters. “The first I knew of it was when my husband pointed out the number of young, handsome black males who were regular guests in our home and the shear scarcity of their white counterparts. We have received a lot of support since then and we are all learning to live with jungle fever in our family.”
The disease however, is not restricted to white females, one sufferer, a black male, said he felt comfortable to speak out about his experience for the first time after reading AL’s article. His story brought a room full of hardened journalists to tears as he told of how he would try to fit in with other racial groups, distancing himself from his own family and childhood friends. He told of how he had to endure insults from his friends about his new dress code, music preferences and use of slang. As a result, he developed an extreme sensitivity to racial slurs. He broke down as he related one incident where he became suicidal after a white girl avoided him on the street and had to be heavily sedated with a dart gun before he could continue. “Incidents like this are becoming more and more common’ said an angry Grey as he reloaded his dart gun. Professor Grey, who is an expert on race relations, is currently writing a book on the history of jungle fever. “It is an absolutely fascinating subject,“ he told a reporter, one of the best documented cases in history has been that of Sir Seretse Khama, the first president of Botswana, and his wife Lady Ruth Khama and we can follow that right through to celebrity couple Heidi Klum and Seal who have more recently succumbed to the dreaded disease.” The light fades suddenly as Professor Grey admits quietly that he worries the government may try to suppress publication of his book.

In a recent article published in the private journal “World Domination through Sports”, founder, editor and chief contributor Xavier Pereira wrote that he uncovered an ultra secret branch of the Government which he accused of encouraging jungle fever in order to breed a super race of synchronised swimmers by merging the commonly known white affinity to water with the black man’s sense of rhythm. ‘It makes absolute sense,’ stated Pereira, “synchronised swimming teams are mainly white and the biggest problem they have is staying synchronised. If they had a natural rhythm they would find this much easier and the government could create the best synchronised swimming team in the history of man.” Many people who share Pereira’s views expressed concern when AL’s Jungle Fever article was first published. They felt that AL might be in serious danger. As one concerned follower pointed out, ‘They have spent millions ensuring the secrecy of this operation so that other nations may not follow their lead; I knew when I read that article that AL was in grave danger. I don’t believe they mean to send him to racial sensitivity classes either, they will brainwash him and then keep him in their labs to breed from him. He is an excellent dancer!’

Africanlegend suspended for racial insensitivity!

The "Association for Racial Sensitivity and Education (A.R.S.E)" has determined that Africanlegend (AL) has violated racial ethics on at least 5 different occasions and have subsequently issued Stuff-about.com with a warning. After AL sneaked in a post early this week without my knowledge entitled “The "Bluetooth Award" for outstanding douchbaggery: Kanye West & Beyonce Knowles”, I have decided to suspend him from writing posts. In addition, he is also required to attend racial sensitivity classes. AL has already contacted Lou Dobbs of CNN and Bill O'Reilly of Fox News to request recommendations for the racial sensitivity and rehabilitation centers they recently entered.

Listed below are the posts that The A.R.S.E felt were particularly racially insensitive. Click the linked title to see the post.

1. The Whitepology: The A.R.S.E feels that AL unfairly targeted the white female and that excessive apologizing for no reason may be more of a female thing than a white female thing per se.

2. Niggerisms: AL chose to use a picture of a cliché “Angry Black African American Male”. The A.R.S.E claims to have received letters from "Friendly Black African American Males" claiming their reputation was ruined and they were receiving funny looks in public. White people wrote in as well saying they could not sleep at night for fear of rampant niggertry in their streets.

3. Coconut: Bill Cosby called in claiming to be offended that his picture was used and that there is no such thing as a “Coconut”. While The A.R.S.E found this post to be creative, they felt a less hairy fruit should have been used to distance the post from the "monkey insult".

4. Arrest a Negro Coupon: The Cambridge Police Force took serious offense to this post claiming that their real coupon offered more services than the fake one AL made up. They insist that it should be noted, their original coupon also offered 24h hour black harassment, generic police sketches, and evidence planting services.

5. “Million Mexican March” a success: Not only did AL suggest that all Mexicans are landscapers, but he showed his geographic ignorance when he defined Mexicans as all people, “..whether originally from Puerto Rico, Cuba, Mexico, The Dominican Republic, Guatemala or Hawaii...”

The A.R.S.E representative released a statement that stated that while AL remained polite and well spoken, he just needed to be more racially sensitive and that some racial sensitivity classes would do him some good.

During the ban, posts will be written by myself the Webmaster and some world renowned guest writers. From time to time, AL will give you regular progress reports on where he is and what he is learning.

See you later folks.

The Webmaster.

The "Bluetooth Award" for outstanding douchbaggery: Kanye West & Beyonce Knowles

By Africanlegend.

In light of recent news worthy events, Stuff-about.com has decided to honor individuals whose Douchbaggery transcends the regular spectrum of dbag conduct. We need to start to hold people accountable for their actions and justly reward them. So Stuff-about.com is proud to present the “Bluetooth Award”: for courageous and honorable douchbaggery beyond the call of duty. It is named the "Bluetooth Award" based on the results of a pole on Stuff-about.com which determined the Bluetooth headset to be the universal symbol of douchbaggery (read that story).

The inaugural winners of this prestigious honor will be music superstars Kanye West and Beyoncé Knowles. At the VMA awards, Taylor Swift won “Best Female Video award” and during her acceptance speech, Dbag West leaped onto stage, grabbed the microphone away from her and bellowed out some incoherent shout-outs to Beyoncé Knowles and a couple of other individuals. This act left Taylor Swift standing speechless and confused, as if a black man had just run by and stolen her purse. Dbag West did not steal her purse, but he did violate a sacred, trite, incredibly boring three minutes of mind numbing acceptance speech ritual. “Mr West, Let Taylor Swift (who ironically I had never heard of prior to this) have her three minutes of happiness.” Instead of keeping his mouth shut, Dbag West decided to set black people back 60 to 123 years by assuming the role of nationally syndicated black guy who turned niggerish (see Niggerisms) on national TV.

Talk about a cheap publicity stunt! I am amazed Kanye West took valuable time off from sampling other people's music to ruin Taylor Swift's night of glory. Last we heard of Kanye West he was stating outrageously obviously political rhetoric like "George Bush hates Black people," which most people agree is probably not far from the truth. Beyoncé Knowles was on hand for this fiasco. She showed no disgust or disapproval. Instead, we saw a poor effort at genuine surprise and concealed happiness. This makes her and accessory to Douchbaggery in the first degree and has hence also earned herself the Bluetooth Award. I am willing to bet Dbag West has a little crush on Beyoncé. Jay-Z better release a “Bonnie and Clyde” remix just to be safe.

Kanye West and Beyoncé Knowles. You are both OUTSTANDING DOUCHBAGS!

P.S “Kanye West doesn't like WHITE PEOPLE!”

So long Folks and remember Stuff-about.com is watching you! So don't be a dbag!

Q: Was this a publicity stunt that BOTH Kanye West and Beyonce were a part of? Is Taylor Swift involved?? Leave your thoughts!

Here's the video...

MTV Shows

"Yipsters": At an overpriced coffee shop near you!!`

By Kevin MacLean.

They’re trendy, energy efficient, well off, and the worst thing to happen to popular culture since 3Oh3! and the PT Cruiser. YIPSTERS! You may have noticed them in a neighborhood near you.

The word itself is pretty self explanatory: when a yuppie acts like a hipster, a yipster is born. They want the coolness of being a hipster, but the laptop of a yuppie. They have the fashion of a hipster, but live in the tax bracket of a yuppie. They want the benefits of being both, but don’t have the stones to commit to either, so they suck. Finding them isn’t hard. Just go to all the places a hipster would go, if he won the lottery. In NYC, neighborhoods like Soho, Park Slope, and Carroll Gardens are crawling with them.

At first glance it is nearly impossible for the untrained eye to spot a yipster. But if you look closely you’ll see that what appears to be shaggy, unkept hair is actually the product of a $40 hair cut from some downtown salon and daily meticulous care. The guys probably have facial hair and some ridiculous hat that you would get your ass kicked for wearing in 30 of the lower 48 states.They often wear sunglasses, but some $300 pair designer brand and not the Chuckie Cheese pairs that are more within true hipster price range. A beach cruiser is a plus and skinny jeans are a must. “Distressed” Jeans that cost upwards of $200 that no self respecting punk or hipster would ever put on.



Your neighborhood, overpriced yipster coffee shop. (Only Malawian and Cambodian Coffee is served!!)

The yipster would probably have some job that Juno would think was cool. A graphic designer or some administrative job for a major TV company or record label that would allow them to get ample use out of their skinny tie collection.They frequent coffeehouses and wherever the new up and coming neighborhood is at. Anywhere they can go to shout about the impoverished and ignorant with like minded people in their brand new indie rock band t-shirt.

But all of that isn’t the real reason why yipsters are to be despised. No, just like the real reason to loathe anyone, it comes down to their personality and general outlook on everyone else. They think they’re cooler than those uptight yuppies because they wear the right clothes and listen to all of the trendiest music. And of course they’re better than all of those hipsters because they make more than 35K a year and can afford all of that cool stuff that hipster’s wish they could have. They live in all the nicest neighborhoods and eating out doesn’t mean you’re getting McDonald’s but you’d better believe they got floor tickets to Wilco’s next show. They love talking about some acquaintance of theirs that recently made it as a painter or actor or anyone that makes them seem closer to the art scene. Maybe they even own a nice Les Paul, which they never got around to learning how to play. They all think they are just too cool for school. But we all know what happens to kids who don’t go to school. They might think they are hot shit now but they all end up homeless, living under an overpass of the BQE or giving handjobs for a five-dollar-foot long (Stay in school kids!!).

Since they aren’t really either, they think they’re better than everyone. But really, they’re worse. It’s like Daniel Day Lewis said when he paraphrased “Revelations” in “Gangs of New York”, “You are neither hot nor cold. So because you are luke warm, I spew you out of my mouth!” See, even God hates yipsters...well sort of.

Vocabulary: Blacknowledgement

This is the process by which a Black person acknowledges another black person's presence in a social environment where black people are scarce or otherwise absent. These environments include places and events like: lacrosse parties, ice hockey games, early morning classes, Russia and The Ku Klux Clan Annual General Meeting. Blacknowledgement is a show of solidarity and support indicating to another black person that you understand their social anxiety and feel their inner torment. It is a non-verbal communication and confers the notion that you too are having your brain slowly eaten away by songs like “Pour some sugar on me” and “Sweet home Alabama”.

In many such cases, a non-black person who witnesses a blacknowledgement will mistake it for familiarity of some kind. They will often ask,
“hey you know that guy right?”'
“Nope. Never seen him before!”
They will be befuddled by this because the blacknowledgement may often include a brief conversation and perhaps an exchange of relevant goods or services.

A blacknowledgement can be executed using anything from a simple nod to a well executed six part, click and snap, integrated handshake. In less friendly situations, a blacknowledgement may be used as a territorial gesture. It can be used to signal to another black person that you are the resident black person in that environment and that they should cower off and find non-black friends of their own. Many black people feel that their novelty wears thin when they find out that they are not the "token black person" anymore. Tiger Woods uses a similar type of blacknowledgement to ensure that he is the only black golf player being televised at any given time.

IT WORKS SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAHA!

Where is the crappiest place to dump someone?

Last week's poll hailed the Question:

Where is the crappiest place to dump someone?

a) At your Birthday party.
b) At your anniversary.
c) At a family Christmas Dinner.
d) At your high school reunion.
e) At your sister's wedding.

The people have spoken! "A family Christmas Dinner" was voted the crappiest place to dump someone. I received mail that suggested a large trash can or a deep river may be a worse place to dump someone, but I feel my former English teacher misconstrued the question. Apparently, people do not give a damn about their sisters' weddings and some say they'd not only dump someone there, but streak naked across the alter during the nuptials.

Why a family Christmas Dinner? I think it may be because it is the place you'd least expect to get dumped. In front of the persons family! This has to have been cold-blooded and highly pre-meditated. The person who dumped you would likely be a "CSI Miami", or "Law and Order fan". They are also likely to have some incriminating piece of evidence. They may have a picture of you kissing someone else, that they will broadcast on a huge HD projection screen in front of the rents. There is a good chance that they would have volunteered to drive you there so that you would have no means of immediate escape. You'd have to sit there in shame choking on your food as your saliva is replaced with the dryness of disgrace. Finally, you'd leave the house and the dog would bark at you and take a cynical snap at you!

So to all of you people invited to Christmas Parties already...don't say I didn't warn you! Your days are numbered!

HAHAHAH here's a pretty funny video I found about breaking up on facebook by "Throwd Up TV" !

Vocabulary: African Time (AT)

African Time (AT) refers to the tendency of individuals from Africa and their descendants to blatantly disregard linear time. In the USA, African Americans exhibit similar patterns of behavior which have been titled "Colored People's Time" (CPT), which is a slightly milder form of African Time.

Linear time is a concept that has been embraced by white people, which involves events having a definite beginning and ending point. The African and his descendants disregard this concept in favor of a more liberal interpretation of time.

As opposed to the BBQ starts at 4pm, the African will say the BBQ starts tomorrow after sunrise, sometime after mid-day, before next Thursday. The African will be easily distracted on his way to a destination because of his subconscious instinct to socialize, causing him to always be late. African time can lead to job loss, woman loss, degenerate child upbringing, and extremely angry brides at interracial weddings.

Situations in which you should immediately fear the worst:

1. You find out that the last scheduled bus that will get you to work on time is being driven by an African.

2. A planned and highly synchronized military strike is commanded by an African.

3. You have an emergency, life threatening, medical operation and your regular doctor is unavailable, so they ask the resident "African Doctor" to rush in and take his place.

4. The person bringing all the alcohol to a party is of African decent.

WHY PEOPLE ARE NEVER LATE IN JAPAN!! Maybe we need to try this in Africa!

Why You're Never Late for Work in Japan | Viral/Other | SPIKE.com

What's funny is: A) They succeeded! B) Their solution was never to wait for another train, but to add additional officers to cram them in HAHAHA!