By Sparkling-legend (yet another dumb celebrity couple.)
Facebook may have started out as a social networking site, but it has evolved to serve 3 main purposes.
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| "I don't know ANY of them but that doesn't mean we can't be friends!" |
Facebook serves as a large and predominantly useless database of people, most of whom you have little to no interest in. Statistics show that on average a person will have 48310 fb friends and out of those you have probably only met 36740 of them. 26940 are casual acquaintances, 6570 are people you hated in high school, 730 are work colleagues, 1670 are relatives, 320 are family, 190 are friends of family and 8 are real friends. In truth, most of the people fb has connected you with could easily be filed under the ‘people you’ve never met and otherwise don't care about' category. Having done all this math, you suddenly realize that this leaves a small contingent of people that you clicked the "add friend" button simply because you pity them. You felt sorry for them because they only had 2 friends (including their mother) or had a pitiful "please be my friend" expression in their profile picture and a cute animal. Facebook has even evolved to the point where it can actively suggest people for you to become friends with. However, I have found this feature to be spiteful rather than useful since it commonly suggests ex-significant others that can't stand you, former stalkers or people that bullied you in high school.
Stalking.
Then there is stalking. Everybody knows the main purpose of Facebook is to make stalking easier. In the old days stalking was difficult and time consuming. You had to have special skills like invisibility, ultrasonic hearing and x ray vision or extremely large electronic and financial resources. However, in recent times, Facebook has made stalking available to the masses. From the comfort of your own home or office cubicle you can automatically track anyone’s movements as long as they are your “friend,” "friend's friend," in your network, or simply on planet earth. The stalking habit helps feed most people's facebook addiction.
Screening.
Facebook’s most important function is screening. You wake up after a night out, just before the pounding headache hits take over and you remember giving your number to a guy called Steve, who came with your BFF’s boyfriend. You jump on to fb after 3 glasses of rehydrate which you hastily made out of a raw egg and a banana (your grannies hangover remedy, which ironically means she was once a drunk). You log on to Facebook and wince at the embarrassing photos some anonymous bitch has already uploaded and tagged you in where you notice your hair looked like you'd been electrocuted at maximum voltage. Eventually you find Steve. His name is actually Kevin. You quickly peruse his photo’s to get a quick taggregate of how attractive he is. So far so good. He has put beer and sex at the top of his interests... Douchebag! You are now attracted and intrigued. You scroll down through his music list. You ignore the James Blunt, Britney Spears and Maroon 5. You scan through his movie list. “Favorite movies: Titanic.” You switch off your computer and go back to bed. Mission accomplished!!
He is probably gay and Facebook saved you at least one awkward conversation......
THANKS FACEBOOK!
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| "Stalk and let live!" |
