4 Benefits to being single on Valentines Day.

Isaac Lungu | 10:46 AM |

"Ok fine, maybe I am exaggerating"

By Africanlegend,

1. You do not get to find out how disappointing your significant other is.
Valentines Day works like an exponentially incremental equation. If you did a good job last year, you will need to top it. In a man’s case, it is a no win situation. As I type this, Hallmark is currently feeding women images of grandiose Valentines Day charades. You are set up to fail. You will take her to dinner at a nice restaurant and it will constitute failure because Hallmark made her expect you to take her to France, base jump of the Eiffel tower with no parachute, somehow survive and then present her with a $6 million dollar diamond encrusted platinum ring while singing “every kiss begins with Kay.”

2. You don't go broke and nobody gets to call you a cheap skate.
Ladies and gentlemen, we are in a recession. Unemployment is higher than it has been in years on a global level. On this one day, the total collapse of the world economy as you know it will not suffice as an excuse for cutting corners. If you cheap out, you will end up taking your significant other to KFC, while Mr. Romantic rents out the national football stadium and serenades a date that he met earlier that day. Women can't cheap out either because “that bitch from work” has already sent everyone an email with a picture of the monkey leather, limited edition dress she ordered from Tibet. While you don't approve of frivolous spending you cannot afford to let her win.

3. Less pressure.
Just call a restaurant and make a reservation, buy flowers, be entertaining and let the wine do the rest. If only it was really that simple. Since people have been scientifically proven to be sheep-like, everybody will try to execute slight variants of same plan. Restaurants will be fully booked and roses will be listed on the stock exchange next to gold. So in order for a well thought out plan to be executed in style, the pressure is on you to act shrewdly and early. Many a man will choke under the pressure and end up standing outside an expensive restaurant with an angry girlfriend who is on her phone texting her BFF and describing the apocalypse you have turned her Valentines Day into.

4. You find out EXACTLY what happens to people that don't get Valentines dates.
You get to test a working theory that exists in our society. That if you have no Valentine, the moment the sun rises on Valentines Day, you will disintegrate into a pile of mythical ash like a vampire, When Valentines Day passes and nothing happens to you, you can be 100% certain that is not the case. All the people that did have a Valentine will not know for sure, so they will have to live for one more year in fear of the possibility of vaporizing next February 14th should they have no Valentine.

Also read 5 Benefits to being single on Valentines Day.

In case you get yourself in a fix and need to learn the song, here is a yucky Kay Jewelery commercial.