Valentines Day: The creation of a Billion Dollar Hallmark Holiday.

Isaac Lungu | 10:04 AM |

By Sparklingjem.

Ah l’amour...

Valentines is upon us again.

All over the world women are out shopping for red dresses and reading magazines in beauty parlors to find out what they should be expecting. On the other hand men are frantically trying to find out what their women are expecting, tearing their hair out trying to find the right gift, the right restaurant and wondering why the price of roses has tripled overnight; while bribing single friends to tape sporting events and begging them not to share scores on the day.

But where did it all come from? How did we come to the point where men are expected to spend five eighths of their annual salary buying gifts for women? How did women come to equate their success in life with how much they are given on this one day of the year?

The origins of this holiday are vague at best. Supposedly it was created to celebrate the death of a Christian martyr who refused to denounce his religion and may or may not have cured the jailor’s daughter’s blindness.

Or it celebrates the works of Bishop Valentine who secretly married couples against the law of the Romans who thought love made men weak and unwilling to go to war.

Or it celebrates Saint Valentine who was martyred in Africa for unknown reasons (because we know better).

One plausible, 110% factual theory:

In the Beginning.
It first became associated with romantic love through a misinterpretation of Chaucer’s ‘Parlement of Foules’ by a round faced Chinese scholar, now popularly believed to be Hiro Nakamura. It was he who began the custom of sending notes of affection to someone you loved or admired.

Mid 19th century.
The first mass produced Valentines were sold by a woman named Esther Howland. Recent evidence has come to light suggesting this was again Hiro Nakamura in disguise.

Late 20th century.
The government began an investigation into large sums of money deposited by the Hallmark Corporation into Nakamura’s bank account. However, the Hallmark Corporation publicly stated they could not take credit for the creation of the Holiday and the ensuing criminal charges against them and Hiro were dropped. Interestingly, top government officials became Hallmark shareholders.

The government then instated a tax on anything bought and sold during the month of February. Soon after this, it became customary to send gifts of chocolates and roses as well as greetings cards.

Present Day.
Valentine ’s Day has since been introduced into the school curricula. Younger children are now forced to cut out hearts and send them to each other. Older children have also been introduced to the idea of buying cards, chocolates and roses to send to members of the opposite sex who they secretly admire. In fact these events are usually organized by a student governing body for capital gain.

Currently on TV.
Evidence suggests that Hallmark movies were actually created to illustrate how men should behave on Valentines Day. In addition, subliminal messages are now embedded in movies and cards to encourage women to withhold sex from partners who fall short of the Hallmark benchmark.

For Conspiracy Theory lovers.
It appears that Valentine ’s Day gifts and events are now advertised during sporting events and during exclusively male television shows when competitive spirit is at its highest. Perhaps this is a strong message to all men hmmm. You tell me!!

This illogical behavior has now become part of societal norm.

For more fun read: "People that HAVE to go!: VEGGIE GIRL" @ Pattypunker's crib.