The 6 Step Cure for Jungle Fever!

By Africanlegend.
After years of research, scientists have finally come up with a cure for Jungle Fever. Jungle Fever is a debilitating disease that causes an individual to be attracted to people outside of their race, particularly black people. Historically, there has been no available cure for Jungle Fever leaving sufferers with only options for temporary treatments such as moving to the suburbs to avoid black people. Scientists made a break through late last week and finally a cure has been found. Stuff-about.com has been given exclusive access to it and we are the first to Publish on it.

Of course prevention is always better than cure…

Cure for Jungle Fever
Ingredients: Real Mayonnaise, Panini Bread, Lettuce, Tomatoes, All Natural Cold Cut Turkey, Low Carb Potato Chips, Organic Soy Milk, FOX NEWS, A Book (with words) and The TV Show FRIENDS.

This Process should be done 4 times a week for 3 months. On off days, the patient may interact with black people to help alleviate withdrawal symptoms.

1. Quarantine the patient from black influences that may worsen their condition. For example, stop them from watching BET, UPN, MTV and anything that begins with “Tyler Perry’s…”

2. Take 2 thin slices of Panini Bread and place the cold cut turkey slices, lettuce and tomatoes between them. On the topmost slice of bread spread a generous amount of mayonnaise evenly with a knife. You now have a turkey sandwich. The Low Carb Chips and Organic Soy Milk can be used to compliment the meal.

3. Next, Play FOX NEWS for 25 minutes every hour. Between Glenn Beck and Bill O’Reilly, negative stereotypes about black people can be reinforced and amplified. The patient thinking all black people are dangerous, angry, rapping, criminals is key to the recovery process.

NB: FOX NEWS may also cause patients to dislike Mexicans.

5. Play the TV show Friends. This will help the patient be at ease with a world completely devoid of black people or anything pertinent or relating to them.

6. Have the patient read a book for 20-35 minutes to conclude the treatment. The patient will need to support their reading habit by spending time in bookstores and coffee shops. A National Geographic study found these two places to be the least likely places you can find black people in urban areas.

Within 3 weeks you should see a marked improvement in the patients condition and after 6 weeks the patient should be showing signs of attraction to their own race again.

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Stupid People That Need to GO: The OCD ChicK

By Sparklingjem (based on the original idea by Musty)

I would have OCD but the letters aren’t in alphabetical order

You've been trying to avoid it all day, but eventually you have to get up and get a drink of water. You wait till the coast is clear and make your way towards it stealthily. You fill your cup in record time and gulp it down without encountering a single stupid person. You head back to your cubicle feeling justifiably proud of yourself.

Suddenly, you stop and do a double take because you see this chick arranging all her colored pencils in the correct order. While you are standing there wondering why she even has colored pencils, she looks up and catches you staring. Now she’s looking at you like you’re crazy. You smile weakly, while trying to find something to say. “Um, you’re really neat” you mutter eventually, to which she replies smugly, “Yeah I know right, I have OCD”
 

Why this person has got to go
You don't have OCD!! You are just an annoying ass.  People with OCD are compelled to wash their hands until they're raw and bleeding, have to count things in multiples of fifty-four or can’t leave a room before they have circled it three times hopping on their left foot. Just because you like to color things and organize your pencils neatly does not mean you suffer from OCD. You’re just a neat freak. What you are really doing in this case is procrastinating instead of doing real work and expecting sympathy for it. Shame on you!

How to deal with this person
You should counteract their claim immediately with another overly used disorder. The conversation should now go something like this.

You: Um, you’re really neat.
The Irritant: I have OCD.
You: Oh you’re so lucky, I have ADD. I couldn’t focus on a pencil long enough to straighten it. You OCD people have it SO easy!

Other stupid people that need to go
“My boyfriend is like Jesus but twice as good” chick.
”You don't know what you are missing” guy.
”I don't listen to mainstream music” guy.
The “F My life” Chick
Veggie Girl

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Orgasm Coupon for the revolutionary G-shot!

SUBURBAN WOMEN…..

Fed up with your lame Husband? Tired of a Boring, decrepit Sex life?

Had it with BLACK MEN stealing your precious white daughters with their sexual prowess?

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Results not typical ~ Models too attractive

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Don’t ask your husband about it? He has NO idea where it is!

Studies show that up to 87% of women who received the G-shot reported an improvement in their sex life. The other 13% were scientifically proven to be boring and terrible in bed.

The G-shot is the only FDA approved treatment proven to reduce the risk of spreading JUNGLE FEVER! But remember, there is no cure for JUNGLE FEVER. Even with treatment, it is possible to spread JUNGLE FEVER.

To avoid potentially serious complications, tell your doctor if you have been with a black man recently, are Asian, nursing, pregnant or take nitrates for chest pains.

HOW MUCH WILL ALL THIS COST? $2000? $1200?

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If you call now, we’ll even throw in a FREE Billy Joel CD, proven to counteract the deadly effects of Hip-Hop on your white children. Guaranteed to have them SQUARE DANCING and not doing THE STANKEY LEG in as little as 2 weeks.

GET YOUR G-SHOT NOW!!!!!

NB: Yes this is real (READ ARTICLE). I’m glad medicine is solving our REAL problems. I mean why bother with Cancer, AIDS or even with the common cold when you can’t get jiggy.

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Ku Klux Klan: At a High School Near You.

By Africanlegend.

A North Georgia teacher, Catherine Ariemma, made the news after four of her students wore white robes, resembling those worn by the KKK, for a historical reenactment in her classroom. It was meant to be a history lesson for her students but instead it turned into a public debate.

“I don’t know how you can discuss racism and not discuss the clan.,” said Ms. Ariemma, making it clear that her holistic approach to history includes all of it’s various events, whether good or bad. In doing so, she aims to cultivate an educational environment where such issues can be discussed in a controlled setting. Unfortunately, Ariemma is being placed on the chopping board and sacrificed as an offering to the gods of “White Guilt” and “Black Rage”. And sadly, this will probably result in the loss of her job.

If we won’t allow kids to explore the true events of history, let us at least be creative about it. Why don't we just rewrite history, to make it, not only soothing to people’s guilt, but more entertaining. I have a few ideas.

~ The Ku Klux Klan didn’t actually exist. It was just a fashion trend that involved white robes, popularized by the Popes clothing brand (Moral Compass inc). The burning of crosses and black people’s houses was to keep them warm in the bitter cold winter.

~ The Indians were not slaughtered by white settlers. They all just ate too much Turkey on the first Thanksgiving and fell into prolonged food comas. They will wake up in the next 4-5 years and white people will gladly return their land.

~ There was no slavery. Africans migrated to the West to take advantage of the Entry Level Cotton Planting jobs they saw on monster.com. The jobs were great, they even included free room, board and whippings. While the hours were long, they were not worse than what modern day doctors or lawyers face.

~ Racism doesn’t exist. There are no true races. The dark people are just REALLY tanned white people that jump higher and run faster than their white counterparts (Origin of Species: Charles Darwin)

CLASS DISMISSED!!

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When to Use The Race Card.

Playing The Race Card refers to the act of bringing the issue of race into a debate, usually to obfuscate the matter and win an argument.

Although most commonly used by black people, The Race Card can also be used effectively by Jews (Holocaust), Eastern Europeans (Hairy women), Asians (Small penis/bad driving stereotype) or any other race that has been through some notable racially motivated tragedy or is subject to demeaning stereotypes.

The Race Card is extremely effective. Personally I use it if:

1. I’m losing an argument.
In this case, I simply wait for some ambiguously interpretable term like “you people” and then I make the other person feel like a racist while deflecting the fact that I have a poor argument.

2. I don’t like the person.
If you don’t like a person, calling them a racist can usually make them angry enough to leave. There is a small chance this may backfire. Some white people may stick around and feel morally obligated to disprove your statement and maybe even invite you to dinner as reparations for the way you feel.

Just mine! In the mail TODAY!

 3. I get arrested.
Since the Rodney King beating that was heard and seen around the world, regardless of the reason for my incapacitation, I can simply blame it on my blackness. After all the police officer that stopped me and found the dead body in my trunk would not have stopped me at all, had I not committed the initial crime; Driving While Black (DWB).


4. Some other dude got the job.
Regardless of their qualifications, obviously they got the job because of some form of nepotism. I was passed over because of my blackness, which I tried to conceal as best as I could by wearing a suit, leaving my bling bling at home and speaking eloquently.

5. If I want to be lazy and slack off
Being lazy and slacking off offers the immediate benefit of having free time to devote to important things like Gchat, Facebook and Twitter. Occasionally a co-worker may complain about your conduct to your superiors. If so, that is a good time to site some obscure company policy and report the person for discriminating against you based on your color. It will be pretty easy to gain the support of fellow minorities in your office and before long the person that reported you will become That Racist Dude at my office.

In truth, you can and should use The Race Card whenever you get the chance. After all a bunch of people you have no connection with suffered a long time ago to earn you the right to do so. Let them not have suffered in vain!

CLICK TO ENLARGE.

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Setting the record straight: Justin Bieber is NOT my husband.

Dear fans
I would like to publicly assure you and the rest of the world that Justin Bieber is NOT my husband. Yes he asked, but I turned him down. Mainly because he wouldn’t be able to buy me drinks at a bar but also because I feel his popularity will only last until he reaches puberty and his voice breaks (awww won’t that be a sad day).

Here’s what really happened.
On Monday, I logged into my twitter account to find that my latest sent tweet stated “Justin Bieber is my husband!” I immediately retweeted “RT @sprklingjem: Justin Bieber is my husband! ~ SOMEONE HACKED MY TWITTER ACCOUNT!!!!” Obviously I assumed it was a practical joke. AfricanLegend (AL) is known for his bizarre sense of humor and certainly had the opportunity and expertise to hack my account. In fact, he’s done it before. However, soon after this, the death threats began arriving. I contacted the police immediately and was promptly moved to a ‘safehouse’.

Within minutes of the location being “accidentally” published on Stuff-about.com (see Justin Beiber Fans Send Death Threats to Sparklingjem), I found myself under siege from angry Beiberholics who arrived at my secret hideout brandishing pitchforks, flamethrowers and playing Beiber songs on their ipods. All my crowd control devices failed, everything from my stanchions and velvet rope as my barricades were ripped down by merciless fans. I knew I would not be able to withstand the music very long and began making preparations to vacate the safehouse. Luckily I was airlifted to safety, but not before all my friends had been invited to my ‘Alice in wonderland’ themed funeral.

Totally worth it!

Kim Kardashian, in a blatant and pathetic attempt to get back in the media, accused me of being a limelight junkie (she would know) and called the episode a ‘copycat’ publicity stunt.(She is probably just jealous that I have a bigger booty.) While this is just the sort of thing the Webmaster might do (He is still angry with me for ditching him to go to an African Bloggers Party with AL), he has denied any knowledge of the affair, including the article published in his name and has accused AL of writing the article.

AL has been upset and jealous since I started catching up with him in number of twitter followers. He has declared it a twitter war. I have no doubt he would do anything to stop me from beating him. According to the very attractive investigator on my case, AL must have leaked the fake story of my Beiber marriage after hearing of the death threats that Kim Kardashian received. He then inflamed the situation by releasing my location under the Webmaster's name and waited for me to DIE!! Don’t worry, AL has been arrested on charges of attempted murder and defamation of character. He will probably rot in jail and it will serve him right.

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Justin Bieber Fans send Death Threats to Sparklingjem.

By The Webmaster
Sparklingjem (SJ), one of our most prized writers has been taken to a CTU safe house and quarantined after she received death threats from rabid Justin Bieber fans this weekend on her twitter account (Sprklinjem). This is the fallout after SJ made the announcement on twitter that the teen sensation Justin Bieber was her Husband. Within minutes, the self proclaimed wife and die hard Bieber-Lover had received 3000 different death threats, Fearing for her life, she contacted Jack Bauer of CTU, who organized for her safe transportation to a secret, undisclosed location. This location is at 100 Cedal Rok, Athens, GA. Nobody is aware of her exact location, we wouldn’t want any potentially dangerous Bieber-holics to get wind of her exact whereabouts. 

For SJ’s safety, please do not disclose the above location to anyone.

This is not the first time we have heard of Bieber fans acting up. Customarily aged between 6 and 9 years old, they have proven to be a handful for the young star and are prepared to do anything to get their mittens on him. Mobbing in buffalo like manner, they have already added trampling and injuring the star’s mother to their already impressive resume. Sparklingjem is just the latest celebrity to be threatened after the infamous death threats they made on Kim Kardashian just a few weeks ago (Read Article). Sparklingjem had this to say.


I find it unBelieberble that I have received these death threats! I can’t understand why they’d treat a fellow Belieber in this manner. We all have Bieber Fever, it’s survival of the fittest. It’s not my fault he is MY husband. They just need to grow up. Honestly! They are just jealous that he direct messages me on twitter. He is mine. You may have heard rumors about him seeing Miley Cirus, but they aren’t true. I already sent her death threats on twitter and she told me they are just friends ~ they better be.

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7 Secrets ALL men keep from women.

By Africanlegend.

1. We always think you are wrong.
“You’re right, I understand” or “You may have a point.” is translation for, “I am going to stop this argument before one of us, not you, ends up in jail explaining to police officers how they managed to get an expensive stiletto heel shoved up your….[this is going exactly where you think it is going].

2. We don’t listen.
We only listen to the first sentence of anything a woman says before our brain shuts down and goes into autopilot. It’s a medical condition. We process the female voice the same way we process music AND we don’t give a crap about your cat which is generally included after sentence one.

3. We are TERRIFIED when you drive.
More so if you are Asian. If a woman wants to reduce any tough guy into a pathetic mass of trembling fear, she should just ask him for his keys. In a scientific survey conducted recently, female drivers were found to be 78% more scary to men than the Ebola Virus (AP).



4. Just because you can’t find it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.
We signed the “No Porn agreement” in invisible ink. You may not be able to find it, but that’s because we pulled an Al Capone operation and took the business to the Black Market with underground distribution chains extending as for as San Francisco in the West and Bangkok in the East.

5. We have watched Sex and the City and we are terrified.
While you weren't looking, we popped in your Sex and the City DVD to get an insight into the female mind and it caused irreparable damage to our self confidence. Now we can only wonder what you say about us at “baby showers”

6. You aint the Best.
You may have been told you are the best of the lot, but there is always an Ex that was better, funnier and prettier than you. The only reason you don’t know this, is that when you were browsing through the vacation pictures on his computer, he accidentally tripped and fell, spilling water on the computer thus frying his hard drive.

7. Yes, we do go to Happy Hour and play golf all day to avoid you.
Not you per se and not golf or drinking specifically. Just any activity that will stave off the onslaught of the rigorous self and home improvement curriculum that you have been planning for us all day.

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US Education going to the Dogs: High School awards a Dog a Diploma.

By Africanlegend.
Midwest High School in Decatur, GA promises to provide people with an “ accredited diploma in 30 days.” For just 99$ and a written test, Midwest High School will provide you with an accredited diploma and have you ready for your next step in life. CBS undercover reporter Jeff Chirico decided to test MidWest’s rigorous academic standards by applying for a diploma on behalf of his dog Dallas Chirico. The whole process was done through Online Courses and Dallas graduated on April 27th 2010, with a 2.0 GPA. The school later stripped Dallas of his diploma after administrators were alerted to the fact that a K9 graduated from their school.

“Dallas Chirico ~ Proud recipient of a Degree from Midwest High school in Decatur, GA”

In a surprising turn of events, Dallas Chirico has filed a lawsuit against his owner, believing that he deserves his degree and was misled through the whole process. “I worked hard and I deserve my degree,” barked a defiant Dallas. “I’d be the first Dog in my family to get a chance to go to college. All my brothers just join the police force and bite black people and Mexicans for a Living. I want to change that and make more of myself.”

Dallas also sited the fact that he had completed a rigorous set of courses and met the minimum requirements to complete high school successfully. Dallas provided his academic transcript to argue his case. Dallas hope to be able to complete is high school diploma so that he can persue online degree programs in art which seem to be the area he has recently shown most interest in.

Transcript: Dallas Chirico.

Course	Grade
Fire Hydrant Urination 486	C
Etiquette in Slobbering (Honors)	B
Getting a Good Bitch (AP)	B+
Racial Sensitivity and Minority Appreciation 204	D
Feline Intimidation Techniques of the Baroque Era	A
Republican Logic 908 (AP)	A++

(Read the actual CBS news report)

Resources:Federal Student Aid College Finder http://studentaid2.ed.gov/gotocollege/collegefinder/advanced_find.asp







 

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How Much is she REALLY into you?

By Africanlegend.

DOES SHE LIKE ME?

If you are a male, you are likely sitting there contemplating this question and wasting your time trying to make sense of reality and logically piecing things together. I have done the liberty of providing you with a chart to help clarify the fact that in this realm nothing makes sense and you are wasting your time trying rationalizing things out.

Also see: 10 signs she is JUST not into you




APPENDIX

LA PASION:
At this level, all she needs is to be detached from her natural surroundings and she will realize she is in love with you, e.g a boat cruise across the Mediterranean. When she finally comes out and admits to liking you, NO ONE will be surprised. 

SEXUAL TENSION BOOTCAMP:
This might be a little dangerous for a male. She might devolve to a pre-school level crush mode and kick, punch and scream at you all day. Beware, her aggressive flirtation style may cause you public humiliation.

FRIEND ZONE:
Since you have made the mistake of being the one guy in the world she can rely on, she will never promote you beyond this point. You will live a life of misery and be assigned tasks like rescuing her stupid cat off the roof and changing the flat tire that she got on the way back from seeing the dude she’s interested in.

ABITRARY DISLIKE:
She actually doesn’t dislike you per se. You just did something that rubbed her the wrong way. She can still be reasoned with if you meet her again. She will probably complain to someone else so that they come to you and tell you that you were a Dbag to her when you first met.

HATE:
At this point, she has little desire to hang out with you and may resort to a restraining order or have one of her big black friends jump you in the street. She may also hate you because you didn’t live up to the great expectations she had for you.

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Getting rid of "Game”: Dating Reform Bill:

By Remy.

Game (n)- lines, moves or stunts used to lure the opposite sex into bed; a measure of smoothness with the opposite sex.

Current State of Affairs
Too many people think they’ve got the best “Game”. They walk the walk, and talk the talk, somehow convincing people that they are charming, bright, funny, tall or black. The truth is, having “game” is only important to those that have nothing to offer (other than maybe VD or Syphilis). “Game” serves as a cloak to hide the fact that they are generally boring people.

In Wiley Coyote's attempt to catch Roadrunner, he cooks up one cunning plan after another to fool Roadrunner. Let this devious schemer's resume of epic failure serve as a model to us all. Just like all the Acme products, eventually your “game” will backfire and explode in your face, or you will experience a confused sensation before spiralling downward off a sharp cliff edge into the gorges of failure.

"Yeah dude ~ That's totally gonna work!"

We’ve all been trapped by “Game” at least once. You start telling your friends about this amazing person you met only to find out their "Bentley" is actually the Chinese replica, the "Bent-Lee-Dong X3", their Armenian accent is fake and sadly "The penthouse" is code for mom’s basement.

Over time, you become jaded and assume anyone that approaches you has some “get laid quick” scheme. You vow to never be a victim of “game” ever again. Then one day, your genetic imperative to find a mate kicks that idea in the ball,s and you find yourself writing inflated, delusional profiles of a person who vaguely resembles you on e-Harmony.com. This pathetic fate is all caused by “Game”, the leading cause of poor dating habits and practices, which must be eliminated!

Reform
BE MORE INTERESTING! More importantly, keep it real and be yourself. Pick up lines only work on TV and on idiots, so don’t bother thinking up clever one liners to attract attention. If you’re witty, you don’t need to be cheesy. If you’re charming, you don’t need to be flashy. Someone might actually like you for who you are. All the effort that goes into “game” is better served being honest about who you are and who you aren’t.

Notes: Beware of faux hawks, tight v-neck shirts, trucker hats, lower back tattoos, aqua pants, Uggz, and anything Ed Hardy. Not only are they attempts by the unimaginative to be interesting, they also serve as the common beacons of unimaginative people.

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How To Increase Your Privacy Settings.

Now no one can tell you're watching porn.

The newly invented "privacy scarf" is perfect for watching porn in public, or for studying top-secret, step-by-step, terrorist demonstrations on youtube. This versatile scarf, hand knitted from 100% merino wool, also doubles up as a handy ski mask so you can rob your local 7/11 or carry out terrorist demonstrations.

By Sparklingjem

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The Mexican Taco Trap recipe: A Solution to Arizona's Immigration Crisis.

"Mexican Taco Trap: The ultimate immigration solution"

By Africanlegend
Since Arizona is coming up with excellent solutions to their immigration problems like the SB1070 law, I thought I might add my own input. Only Mexicans are involved in this idea, so according to Arizona law, no human rights will be violated.

You will need:
5 lbs. beef chuck, cut into 4" strips
Salsa
Guacamole
1 tsp. bay leaves
1/2 lb. sliced yellow onion
2 lbs. diced tomato
1 tsp. black pepper
Green chillies
2x4 piece of wood
A Box
Tape
Tranquilizer gun

Place meat into a medium sized pot. Add garlic, bay leaf and enough water to cover the meat and bring to a boil. When the meat is cooked, drain all the liquid and break up the meat with a bean masher. Using a rice strainer, deep fry shredded beef for approximately 30 seconds. Saute the garlic and onion with the butter in a saute pan. Add beef, tomato, chili and spices. Continue to simmer until most of the moisture cooks off and the contents are very dry. Use Salsa and Guacamole as desired. Place the contents in a hard shell taco.

NB: Taco may be substituted with a Burrito, an Enchilada, Carne Asada or any other food that Mexicans find irresistible.

Next, find a field. It should be wide open enough so that if the Mexican escapes you can still disable them by firing a tranquilizer dart. Place the box at an angle off the ground, suspended by the 2X4 piece of wood. Place the taco under the box. Wait 2-3 hours or until a Mexican has been apprehended. Use the tape to gag the Mexican's mouth so he can't yell out some Mexican war cry and call his friends for help. (See image above for details).

Notes
Be careful, Portuguese people tend to confuse themselves with Mexicans. If you catch a Portuguese person please promptly and respectfully return them to the wild (Inman Square or East Cambridge, Massachusetts) immediately. In addition to that, you may also catch a few suburban white people who took a wrong turn on their way to Taco Bell.

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Taking your Best Friend's Advice: Dating Reform Bill

By Africanlegend.

MOTION 3: To amend the powers of the "Best Friend Forever" or "BFF."

A brief summary of the BFF:

The Male World.
Your BFF would be the person you call for advice, go out clubbing with, go out looking for chicks with or the one who bails you out of prison after you got in a fight. When the girlfriend moves in, she will likely restructure the government. Your BFF will now go to her for advice. She will apply rules like curfews to night excursions or worse, she may even come along. She will also introduce the concept of a moral high ground and tell him not to bail you out of prison the next time you get into a fight so that you can learn your lesson. All things considered, a BFF with this much to lose is a poor candidate to hold dictatorial power in your dating practices.

The Female World
Your BFF would be your pseudo-lesbian partner. You shop together, watch soap operas, gossip and conspire to confuse men. You would call her your "wife" and there would be pictures of you kissing each other at margarita night on Facebook. It goes without saying that when she gets a boyfriend, she will erase you from existence and spend every dying minute with him. Even if she is not with him, she will keep referencing him till you feel the urge to slap her in the face. The is all compounded by the fact that your BFF doesn't even actually like you. You are just both equally single and miserable in ways that complement one another and things must stay that way.

Inter-gender BFF's
For the most part, this is just a fantasy unless extreme events have occurred that have killed any possibility of further fornication. In the case of most inter-gender BFF relationships, at least one of the parties desires to slumber with the other. In some cases, both do but have rationalized why they should not and instead opt to suffer each other's company while foaming from the mouth with desire. For that reason, they are the last people that should advise you on ANY dating related things. Inter-gender BFFs grow relationship-like attachments that they will resist breaking (I will go into detail in a future article).

CURRENT LAW:
The BFF has unbridled power in the dating process and is called upon to provide their final opinion to either, approve of a potential mate or exercise their veto powers to banish them.

Amendments 
Amendment I. The powers of the BFF shall be amended  to a state at which their advice to the principal is considered to be a friendly suggestion that the principal is under no obligation to follow. If the suggestion is respectfully declined, a BFF is denied the legal right to impose emotional or physical sanctions against you.

Amendment II: The principal shall grow a pair of balls and hang out with the potential mate for an adequate time in order to create an honest picture of their character and integrity and judge them predominantly based on that.

Amendment III: The advise of a single BFF shall have 11% the weight of the advice of a coupled BFF, who will be more likely to try to help you ascend to their level of coupled misery.

ALSO READ
INTRO: Dating game summed up,
MOTION 1: When to give a guy your number.
MOTION 2: When to call a girl back.

BE A PART OF THE REVOLUTION: Spread the Article and/or join us on twitter to join the debate #datingreform.

Tweet us:
Africanlegnd: Speaker of the House.
Mr1derful83: Chief of Staff.
Sprklingjem: Female Regulatory Committee & amp; cute girl whose opinion we respect.

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How to be a good Girlfriend (Step 5): Introduce activities for his betterment.

My girlfriend and I joined "Knitting for World Peace"

By Sparklingjem
The world is a very difficult and challenging place and success cannot be achieved by standing still. Men need to be in a process of constant development. Unfortunately, they will not pursue it on their own and will cheat themselves out of reaching their full potential. They need a gentle nudge in the right direction.

You can start by encouraging him to take up hobbies such as golf. This way he can be available anytime his boss desperately needs someone to make up a foursome. Be sure to monitor his time on the golf course carefully by tapping his phone and installing a few serveillance cameras in strategic locations. As we have learned from the recent exploits of Tiger Woods, time on the golf course can easily lead to lascivious shenanigans of an egregious nature.

N.B Bosses under the age of 40, or those who are pretending they are, are more likely to play squash.

Next attend some weekend self improvement courses and motivational seminars together. Make sure they are all about the consequences of adultery and how a special place is reserved in hell for adulterous scum. Once you have broken his resolve sufficiently, send him on a bootcamp style self-improvement course, where any lingering bad habits will be drilled out of him by trained professionals. While he is gone, clear out all his time wasting equipment such as the TV and his Playstation 3. Fill the gap with plenty of books on self improvement and positive thinking. By the time he returns, he probably won't even notice his toys are missing or he will be too scared to say anything.

Once you have completed ALL these steps, it is a good idea to invite his boss and his boss’s wife around so she can inspect him and casually interview you over dinner. He will then be able to start moving up in his career.

Congratulations: You have now done your public duty by turning a useless single man, draining nations of their resources, into a productive contributing member of society.

ALSO READ:
STEP 1: Remove all women from his life.
STEP 2: Get rid of all his single friends
STEP 3: Stop him from doing fun things
STEP 4: Cut down on sex

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Dairy of a White Dude: Yes, I am a white guy... now stop staring please!

"Hi...I'm white!"

By Afooltofollow.
Yes, I am a white guy... now stop staring please....
Hi. My name is Bill. I understand that right now I’m at a club where people are dressed to ‘da nines". I understand that there are "hot bitches" everywhere, and just how fine they are. Yes I see the dance floor. No I won’t be "hitting it up". Why? Well, if you couldn’t tell by the cargo shorts, polo t-shirt and sandals, I’m white!

Please stop staring.....
I’m also ever so tall for a white dude, towering over the 5’9 “normals” who are able to move in secret around the bar. I am constantly in everyone’s view. Oft I have looked into the mirror that surveyed the bar, and noted “My gosh... I’m the tallest white guy here.” It is all the more pronounced by the fact that the club is dark, and I am not.
For this reason, when I’m not embarrassing myself at a "midnight hotspot", I enjoy hanging out at book stores. The pages are white, and so am I. If I twist myself just right, people can ignore me long enough for me to get what I need without being gawked at.

Places I could never be a spy:
Asia
A black cook out
Taco Bell
Anything preceded by the word “Def”
Midget Island (It’s real, but I can’t find it because the little shits hide)

Places where I could be (and probably am) a spy:
The Apple Store
A liberal arts college campus
The “Shaq Does Pac” concert
Any venue that prominently features “cheeses” as a warm-up dish
On the Supreme Court

Topics of which I am prematurely considered an expert:
Fishing
Mergers and acquisitions
Small pox
Appropriately filing a tax return
Vegan requirements
Erecting and burning a large crucifix

My overall level of guilt for other peoples’ suffering:
Very high, for blacks or Jews and any minority, including you.

Who I blame for the world’s problems:
Those god-damned rich white people.

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New Racist Arizona Immigration Law SB1070 sparks protest among POLICE.

"Police protest Arizona's new immigration law"

By The Webmaster
"Sections of the new SB1070 immigration law in Arizona requires immigrants to be able to prove their immigration status to law enforcement if necessary. Some think that the law will enable racial profiling and will negatively impact the quality of life of the Latino community."

However, an unlikely group of individuals have come to the forefront to voice their concerns. The largely underfunded and understaffed Arizona Police Force Coalition has grown in stature as a unified body of opposition. They claim that as it stands, the police force has enough to worry about without having to concern themselves with immigration related issues. We interviewed an unnamed officer briefly. Here is an excerpt from the interview.

Africanlegend: I am glad to see some people in law enforcement recognize how this type of a discrimnatory law can violate basic civil rights!

Policeman: What?[with a look of bewilderment as if a girl just told him she was pregnant]

Africanlegend: That is your reason....right?

Policeman: Certainly not! See the police have a lot on our plate, we don't need to add more tasks. We are understaffed as it is. We are already focused on stopping random black people and pinning crimes on them. We can't afford to add MEXICANS onto our plate.

Africanlegend: Huh? [with a look of bewilderment as if a girl he met 5 years ago presented him with a 5 year old child claiming he was the father.]

Policeman: PLUS we'd have to come up with new "probable causes" to accomadate new random stop searches. Do you know how difficult that is? If we see a black person talking loudly, hanging or chillin with the Homies, driving, excessively relaxing, excessively nervous, looking wealthy or with a white girlfriend, we generally stop them and pin some kind of crime on them. If we can't find an appropriate, frivolous transgression, we clobber them for resisting arrest. This has been how it has always been, why change it?.

Africanlegend: That doesn't sound very constitutio.....[is vehemently interrupted]

Policeman: With Mexicans, we will need to extend that list. Without additonal funding and salary increases, we refuse to comply. Looking for Mexcians playing soccer in a suspicions manner or eating burritos, with intent to distribute is extra work! Besides we can't speak Mexican. We will have to retrain the police force to speak Mexican....and Spanish, some of them speak that too. We need extra pay!

The Arizona immigration law is being combated at all levels and only time will tell how this immigration saga will ultimately play out.

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