5 Ways to Escape any Awkward Situation...

Isaac Lungu | 12:25 PM |

By Africanlegend
If you want to know how to escape awkward situations just ask women, they have a "how to get rid of tools on a regular basis" handbook or better yet, ask international students, almost every conversation they have ends up being awkward.

I am no stranger to awkward situations. In fact, I can see them coming from a mile away. If I see an overzealous looking white girl dressed in traditional African clothing, elbowing people to get to me, I know to take evasive action immediately. Either that or risk having to discuss her year abroad in Kenya and explaining why I can't speak Swahili.

I'll give you an example of an awkward conversation that I have had at least 345 times........


If  Awkward Conversation Contraception fails, you may find yourself trapped in an awkward conversation impregnated with discomfort, . Here are my favorite ways to escape awkward situations without hurting anyones feelings.

The key to escaping any awkward conversations is to disrupt or kill it's Rhythm.... 

1. Set off your Ringtone.
Use your smart phone for a smart purpose. Set off your ring tone and pretend you have a phone call that you have to take in private and leave. Then make like a Dead Beat Dad and disappear. If you don't have the opportunity to set off your ring tone, you can just reach into your bag or pocket and pick up your phone as if it vibrated. Then pretend there is a situation that requires you to respond by phone. Don't say what it is, just make mildly surprised faces and excuse yourself.

2. Hang Up!
If you are having an awkward phone conversation you can always escape by making a barrage of "I don't wanna talk to you" hints. Hints like:

"Well, I suppose you should get back to work,"


"I just got bitten by a snake. I have 25 minutes to take care of this"

However, there is a good chance the person you are talking to won't get the hint. If you are a girl talking to a guy this is especially true. After thousands of years of evolution, girls should know by now that most men are.

A) Too stupid to pick up subtle hints.
B) In Autopilot mode and not listening to a damn thing you are saying.
C) Thinking of how they will manage to get you to sleep with them.
D) All of the above.

It's far more effective to simply HANG UP. That will kill the rhythm of the conversation and give you a small window of opportunity to escape. Then call back and say you are sorry that the phone cut and then immediately make an excuse to leave. e.g:

"Sorry I think the phone cut but I'll talk to you later. I have to take my giraffe to the hospital I think he has a sore throat."

3. Fake a minor emergency.

An emergency is an effective way to break the rhythm of a conversation and engineer an opportunity to leave. The trick is not to make the emergency too dire. No family deaths, car accidents, burning houses or anything like that because:

A) Karma is a serious bitch...
B) If it's too serious the person may do the humane thing and try to "help" ~ you do not want this.

Make it something simple like, your roommate forgot their keys and is locked out the apartment. This is especially effective for escaping something like a terrible date.

You can also fake a minor medical emergency. Pretend you choked on something, start hysterically coughing, excuse yourself to get a glass of water and simply don't bother to return. The only downside is that the person will invariably return to check on you. You will probably be caught off guard and you'll be dancing on top of the bar, having too much fun for someone that was just recently within inches of their grave.

4. BRB....then simply do not return.

This works for electronic conversations and the salvation of mankind. If the conversation is excessively uncomfortable a good way to end  it is to type "brb." "Brb" is an electronic assassin sent to kill online conversations. With "brb" your options are endless. You can simply not return, ending all communications indefinitely or you can return after a long period of time with new line of conversation and you will more often than not cause the person to abandon the previous line of conversation. Simple and effective and thankfully involves no crucifixion.

5. Pretend you are inseparably connected to the group you came with. (And that if you separate, you will burst into flames).
Girls use this one all the time to escape awkward men that descend upon them like locusts in Bars. It can take on many forms.

Gotta go find my friends ~ You know exactly where they are, all you've been doing is texting them.
I think my friend's are about to leave. ~ You know they won't leave you, that is a Supreme Court level felony in the female code of conduct; punishable by instant death.
My friend and I are going to the bathroom. I'll be back ~ Because you pee as a team?

The only danger is that if you are a guy and you use the wrong excuse, it may have unintended consequences e.g.

"Katie and I are going to the ladies room. We'll be back in a couple of minutes" ~ Normal!
"Dave and I are going to the men's room . We'll be back in a couple of minutes." ~ Gay as hell!