Comedian Patrice O'Neal, who made fans laugh with jokes about race and his jumbo size, died Tuesday, a little more than a month after suffering a massive stroke. He was 41 (Source).
A written tribute to a comedian is useless (#toodamnlazy) so here are a couple of my favorite Patrice O'Neal moments......laugh, don't laugh, be offended, whatever floats your boat.
Remembered as abrasive, bluntly honest and loud mouthed but still a comedic genius in his own right......
R.I.P Patrice O'Neal
|Stevie Johnson as he emulates, a terrorist in a plane flying towards the Twin Towers.|
After scoring a touchdown to put Buffalo ahead, wide receiver Stevie Johnson pulled off two celebrations that offended many people. Johnson's initial celebration, mimicked shooting himself in the leg, poking fun at Jet's wide receiver Plaxico Burress (who in fact did shoot himself in his own leg). In Johnson's second celebration, he spread his hands as if he were a jet and went crashing into the Turf. The latter seemed to bother Jets defensive lineman Sione Pouha profoundly.
"Us being from New York, we like to hold ourselves to some integrity, and that airplane thing, in my opinion, was kind of a dagger considering the circumstances of remembrance of what we just had on Sept. 11," Pouha told the New York Post. "It was just unprofessional. We all stand for pride around here, and that's a sacred moment for a lot of people and it's a very sobering moment."
WATCH THE CELEBRATIONS FOR YOURSELF..........
To that I immediately responded:
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS POUHA ON ABOUT!??
Why does everything have to have a deeper meaning superimposed on it in retrospect? If Stevie Johnson was indeed mocking the events of 9/11 then obviously that isn't ok, but we know quite definitively that he was not. We know that Johnson's actions had very little to do with 9/11. Stevie Johnson did not score a touch down and say to himself, "I need a celebration hmmm.....you know what? F@ck New York City and F$ck 9/11." How long will people keep connecting arbitrary things back to 9/11 and where do you draw the line? If you see a bird crash into a transparent sliding door does it evoke the pain and suffering of that fateful day? If you see a child on a beach building a sand castle with two tower-like figures, do you burst into tears? At what point can you call such a mindset unhealthy?
Who says New Yorkers occupy some privileged position when it comes to 9/11? Many people from many different places lost loved ones that day. It was a national tragedy, so I don't really understand the "Us being from NY" statement, as if to invalidate anyone else's experience of 9/11 that isn't from New York.
Get real people ~ and YES, I am defending Stevie Johnson 100% and I found his celebrations to be amusing and ultimately ironic when they arguably cost his team the game!
1. An implement consisting of a pole with a crossbar toothed like a comb at the end, or with several tines held together by a crosspiece,...
2. A fashionable or wealthy man of dissolute or promiscuous habits.
[African American Vernacular English, alteration of whore.]
= A for effort...........
NOT SO GENIUS..........
Note: If anyone decides to recalculate the equation in the first example, come up with a different answer and go to the comments section to write, "It's actually 2.4 seconds dumbass" we'd like you to know that nobody will be impressed.
Walter Vance, a 61 year- old drugstore owner was at the midnight Black Friday sale when he suffered a heart attack. Most shoppers ignored him as they grabbed all the sale items in sight. Eventually, an off-duty paramedic and an ER nurse stopped to help. The nurse administered CPR and someone called 911. He died at the hospital.
In the Thanksgiving NFL Football clash between the Detroit Lions and the Green Bay Packers, Ndamukong Suh, was ejected from the game for violent conduct worthy of a seasoned Black Friday shopper.
”My intention was not to kick anybody, as I did not, removing myself,” he said. “I was on top of a guy, being pulled down, and trying to get up off the ground — and why you see me pushing his helmet down, because I’m trying to remove myself from the situation, and as I’m getting up, I’m getting pushed, so I’m getting myself on balance.”
Perhaps it's time to review a savage shopping ritual that is claiming lives, leaving people injured and turning many a sane person into a total douchebag. The whole Early morning opening simply creates a sleepless, desperate atmosphere that maximizes hysteria. You have to ask yourself, is it really worth it? If people are getting hurt and going ape-shit over it perhaps it should be reviewed.
So in the spirit of family, community and plentiful food, laugh your ass off right NOW because God knows that there are some people not fortunate enough to have what you have.
You can thank me later!
Advice intended for gifts = or > a Battlefield video game ~ stop being a cheap Bastard.
|Really guys? offended by baby gibberish now??|
"How you doing bitch!"
You run to your neighbors and they confirm that they have also heard the foul mouthed toy but claim to have heard gangster babies say:
"I ain't got no m@therf#cking friends. That's why I f$ck@d your bitch"
You have small debate about it before running over to the Parkinsons house across the street who further confirm what you think but insist they heard something else. They heard the dolls say:
"Call the cops when you see 2pac, Who shot me, But your punks didn't finish now you 'bout to feel the wrath of a menace nigga, I hit 'em up."
Everybody in the neighborhood claims to have heard something different but you can all agree that what ever it is, it is bad and that you should all be collectively offended. After an emergency meeting, you all agree to disposes your children of their favorite news toys. Many children cried themselves to sleep that night.
Why these people need to go:
The dolls say whatever you want them to say, mainly because they aren't really saying much of anything other than a random combination of gibberish. I think it's wrong to take our perverse view of the world and pass it on to our kids. To a two year old, the dolls are just toys making baby sounds which most of them happen to find funny. Hearing profanity and finding negative patterns in random noise doesn't mean that you are being extra vigilant when it comes to your kids, it just points to a psychosis. Society has become so hypersensitive that now people think baby toys are spewing profanity. As for the media, you can't first report that people think toys are swearing and then ask people to listen and decide for themselves, you have contaminated your own experiment. People will be listening in for exactly what you told them to listen for, it just destroys the objectivity of the listener.
She forgot to mention that she also took the advice of her high school teachers Lexington Steele and Mandingo and spent many nights listening to the words of wisdom of her mentor and long time friend Jenna Jameson.
If you ever hear the above statement coming from a surgeon, then you had best GTFO.....especially if they are about to inject you with a toxic cocktail of chemicals that should NEVER be found in a human body.
Oneal Ron Morris, a transgender woman who witnesses describe as having bee-stung pouty lips, arched eyebrows, and an enormous bottom, decided to play fake doctor and perform cosmetic surgery on women at discount prices. Her "cosmetic surgery" procedure involved injecting women's buttocks with flat-tire sealant, mineral oil and cement, and then sealing the work with an application of super-glue; all in the name of curvy hips and a huge, rock hard bottom ~ to which white girls replied, "why would you want a big ass?". Morris, 30, also performed the buttocks procedure on herself. Police suspect there may be other victims.
The victim, who was referred to Morris by an acquaintance, paid $700 dollars for the buttocks-filling injections and was later dispatched to the hospital complaining of severe abdominal pain, flu-like symptoms, and infected sores on her buttocks. After some reluctant visits to two South Florida hospitals, the victim left early because she was too embarrassed to tell doctors what had really happened. Eventually, Doctors discovered what happened and they called the department of health.
Morris faces charges of practicing medicine illegally (without a license), and serious bodily injury.
A word to the wise, consider your source before you agree to anything. Why let a doctor that looks like a Halloween costume gone wrong perform cosmetic surgery on you? You need to be wearing more than a pair of dickies scrubs to be considered a doctor ~ like.....maybe a degree??
|Oneal Ron Morris, The Fake Tranny Doctor.|
Presently, our phones or smart phones as they are called, are technological monsters that surf the web, open garages and tell you where your kids are. There are multiple applications you can run on modern phones and their designs and capabilities have evolved accordingly.
I probably send over a billion text messages and camp online on my smart phone for large quantities of time, mostly when I should be doing something more constructive. Naturally, such evil requires a weapon of mass destruction and for that the LG DoublePlay™ , available exclusively with T-Mobile, is perfect. This phone is designed to take texting and social networking activities and turn them into a real psychosis. If you are one of those girls that loves to nip away and post things to Facebook or send texts, you will be nipping away for longer periods and blasting text more efficiently. You will disappear for so long that your friends will file a missing persons report.
What makes the LG DoublePlay™ so special?
- Dual touch screens, main display and 2.0-inch sub display allowing people to multitask like never before. Users can update their Facebook pages while simultaneously surfing the web, texting or checking email.
- A 5-megapixel camera with LED flash and 720p HD video recorder for sharp images that can be easily posted to your favorite social media.
- Multiple messaging options, including Cloud Text™ and Group Text™. Users can send and receive texts from a PC or tablet or create group chats for more efficient content sharing.
- Android™ 2.3 (Gingerbread) with seven home screens and up to nine touch screen shortcuts.
So there you have it. Two screens and multiple features that will make anyone a beast at social networking and texting, killing the act of socializing with real people for ever ~ that's going happen anyway, you cannot stop it so why not have a kick ass phone when social armageddon begins.
How many hours do you spend texting or on Social Networks each day?
How do you think The LG DoublePlay™ would change the way you send texts or interact with your Social Networks?
LEAVE ONE IN THE COMMENTS SECTION BELOW....
Does it make people feel better to know that whatever seemingly benign object you place behind the city walls will burst open and millions of troops will come gushing out?
Should a condom be named with a name similar to one of the more legendary tales of covert infiltration in recorded history?
The tiresome bathroom dance practice forced me to sit on the toilet and catch a breather......at which point I looked up. What kind of bathroom arraignment was this??
Call this Privacy???????
|The view if somebody walked in on you..........|
|And here is your view of the many asses on display while you are seated...........|
|And finally the view of the creepy midget standing behind the toilet seat.|
This is the person that will elect themselves leader without anybody's consent. This is because they have an inflated sense of themselves and their abilities and believe that they are more capable of running the group than anyone else. This Decider lacks good ideas and they compensate for it by puffing up their chest, barking orders and talking over people. This position is often assumed by the bitchy feminist girl that has a grudge against all men or the guy that thinks that someday he will run for president.
This role is assumed by the most offbeat, creative member of the group who is naturally capable of coming up with many brilliant ideas much to the envy of "The Decider." The Creator's offbeat, unorthodox nature pisses off "The Decider," who views The Creator as their biggest threat to leadership. Consequently, The "Decider" will spend a lot of time shutting down any ideas The Creator comes up with regardless of their merit. This tension will continue untill the night before the project is due when the situation is declared a Mexican Standoff.
The Ghost is the most erratic group member. They are unpredictable and this gives everyone a headache. The are usually late to meetings or do not show up at all. The Ghost sees group work as an opportunity to do less work. "The Decider" is constantly on The Ghost's nuts and will inevitably report them to the professor for lack of dedication. The Ghost will also be "The Decider's" scapegoat should things go array. Ultimately, The Ghost will step up and produce amazing work come presentation time and this will make all the group members feel guilty after having all given The Ghost a terrible and scathing peer review.
AND NOW.......AS PROMISED
How to do the least work....
Assuming the role of "The Decider" or "The Creator" is out of the question. They are stressful positions and tend to involve a substantial amount of work. "The Slave" is obviously a bad idea since everyone will delegate work to them, ultimately meaning they will perform the most labor for the least payoff. "The Ghost" is risky role as it may lead to recieving individual punishment via peer review or should one of the other group members choose to report their conduct to the professor.
To do the least work and get away with it, you should be "The Scribe." The scribe doesn't do anything. Nobody asks them to come up with ideas and they don't have to get involved in group dynamics. The Scribe also has the luxury of contributing the least amount of work but has control of all the information, meaning they can mask their paltry contribution. To pull it off, you simply have to attend all meetings, stay on top of things and most importantly bombard the other team members with emails. Email all day, everyday. Email them to tell them you received work, when you need work, about meeting times, about what you had for lunch, just keep sending them. You will appear as if you are doing so much work when in reality you aren't doing much of anything at all except sending emails.
In any event, for those of you semi-serious about school, by all mean ignore what I have to say and stay on top of your studies. SchoolTutoring.com can help you. Be sure to visit their site and see their programs here maybe there is one for you.
Thankfully, this picture was taken in spring before the heat sets in, before the sand dunes move in for the summer and while the grass is still green..............
JUNGLE FEVER is a disease that affects white suburbia and cultivates in them an affinity for black culture. Jungle Fever sets in at an early age and manifests itself in many ways. Uncontrollable attraction to black people, the overpowering addiction to chicken, the need to dance and spontaneous freestyle rapping are just a few of the many signs and symptoms of the deadly scourge that has been plaguing suburban communities for decades....
But good news....
There is a 6 STEP CURE FOR JUNGLE FEVER!
CNN Reports A North Carolina couple is suing AirTran Airways, alleging that cockroaches crawled out of air vents and overhead carry-on bins during a flight from Charlotte to Houston in September, 2011. The couple accuses AirTran of negligence and recklessness, infliction of emotional distress, nuisance, false imprisonment and unfair and deceptive trade practices, and is suing for more than $100,000 plus the price of their tickets.
I didn't know you could sue $100 000 for the presence of cockroaches. Had I known earlier, I'd have sued my landlord in Boston for somewhere in the Vicinity of $1.6 million. The emotional stress the cockroaches caused was real. The cockroaches were cocky enough to come out in broad daylight and enjoy a beer with us or answer the door if none of us could get to it. Where I grew up there were so many cockroaches that they could have staged a Coup d'état and evicted us from our own house.
Since we are dealing with white people, everything has to be taken to an unprecedented extreme especially with the charge of false imprisonment. That law was not intended to address this type of situation. Suing is appropriate, the airline was negligent but $100000 is way too excessive ~ such a lawsuit and the size of compensation is bound to set a precedent that may make airline travel more expensive for everybody in the long run.
Bottom line is, you see a cockroach, you get disgusted, you move on and the next time you fly you use a different carrier, you don't get rich!!.....
AirTran is trying to find out how the cockroaches boarded the plane. If they were brought on in someone's luggage, the people may face additional charges ~ $15 for the first, $30 for the second and $50 for any additional cockroach thereafter.
Comedians doing it for family. AmFam (American Family Insurance) rounded up a few comedians and hit us
with some family friendly comedy.
All the jokes resonate well with me because I grew up in a tight-knit neighborhood which was pretty much run by a gestapo regime of vigilant mothers with dictatorial mandates and in my opinion superpowers. Human beings should not be able to do certain things. We can't see through solid objects, we can't hear people's thoughts and we can't travel faster than the speed of light. However, my mum could do all of those things. She had the following powers.
I once walked in from school. I was wearing long pants and one of the school uniform coats. I had lost my own coat but had gone to the lost and found to get a replica. This was not the first time I had done this and by now I was picking replicas that were indifferentiable from the originals. I walked in and her immediate reaction was, "that's not your coat," then somehow managed to read the name tag behind my neck, "Go give it back to Stephan." Then topped it off by telling me I wasn't wearing the right socks by seeing through my pants and shoes ~ but how?
Super Speed, possibly flight:
My mum is a large woman, but don't be fooled by that. She moves like a cheetah. Occasionally, I was banned from going to my friends' houses because I did things like come back really late, break windows and cause general embarrassment to my family. Bans wouldn't stop me though so I simply snuck out. On one occasion, I made up an excuse to go outside, jumped over the fence and ran to my friend's house at full speed. I found her in front of the gate at my friends house, and there appeared to be some kind of ripple in the space/time continuum as there were leaves and dust everywhere ~ she had no car ~How did she do it?
My mum could definitely read thoughts and Homeland security should consider using her services. Her ability to snuff out my plans as I was thinking them was uncanny. She was always a step ahead of me. She would also just walk into a room and say, "It's locked so don't even think about it," and quickly slither away into the shadows.
I have tons of stories and that's why Stand Up For Family is something I can really Appreciate because family is really all we'll ever have at the end of the day.....
|......WHAT IS THE LEANING TOWER OF PARRIS!??|
Most dating experiences end, some worse than others and you end up with a shell of a relationship, if any at all. Statistically, a romantic relationship is likely to fail. So if a guy manages to connect with a woman very quickly, he will become indispensable to her as a companion. As a result, he will be friendzoned and she will be reluctant to change the nature of relationship into something that has a higher possibility of failing.
A jerk on the other hand, is highly dispensable, ironically this makes him more eligible for a romantic relationship. It's an investment in a stock with very little initial value, hoping that it will mature into something of high value. The woman hopes that eventually he will connect with her like the male friend that she friendzoned.
We know how the story ends....
The Jerk acts accordingly, the girl cries, the friend comforts her, she goes back to the jerk and the cycle repeats itself. In due time, she will realize that her system is fundamentally flawed. By that time the good guys, who she surrounded herself with but limited to friendship status only, will have been snatched up by other women with more common sense. Then she will claim there are no good men left in her town/city......
Begin Hallmark Music, tissues and crying....
Surveillance video showed a deer flying through the glass near the hostess stand of the Taco Mac on Windward Parkway in Alpharetta. Without missing a beat, the deer made its way toward the patio, where it darted away from employees and customers before running towards the parking lot and, presumably, back into the nearby woods. Nobody was harmed but from what we can tell, the Deer had something personal against Taco Mac....
SEE FOR YOURSELF......
In South Africa, an engaged couple who dated for five years have been left in turmoil after their families met and they discovered they were indeed brother and sister. The woman, who is due to give birth next month, is devastated by the discovery that the father of her child is her brother. After introducing their single parent families to each other before their planned marriage, it emerged they were brother and sister who had been separated when they were young and raised separately after an acrimonious divorce.
This seems like a tragic mistake and a highly unlikely series of events had to take place for things to happen as they did. This is a classic example of how a culture can backfire. When it is only acceptable to present a man or woman to your parents when you plan to marry them, then such an oversight can carry on for as long as it did. Things would have been different had the culture encouraged a less candid approach to pre-marriage relationships. The siblings will now have a challenge explaining to their child the circumstances behind their birth should they decide to tell them at all.
This makes me look at first date garbage conversations in a whole new light. Apart from breaking the ice, they can test for simple things like: if the person you met is the Crazy Latina Type, if they have a job or if they are a sibling. So from now on, I am taking this seemingly mundane process more seriously. In fact, I think as of today 11/07/2011, I am asking for birth certificates, requiring a folical of hair for DNA analysis and having a serious "is there anything you wanna tell me" talk with the parents before I proceed with anything.
Maybe I'll just date Latinas and white girls because..... Uhhh what are the odds I am related to any of them?
There are tons of horror stories about phone companies. In 2009, a man in Pennsylvania tried to beat the world record for text messages. The man ended up breaking a record, but not the one he intended. His texting activities racked up a record bill to the tone of $26 000. Despite the fact that he had T-Mobile's “unlimited” text messaging plan, the customer had no idea that unlimited actually meant “100,000.” I am sure T-Mobile had assumed that no living creature in the solar system could ever go beyond 100 000 texts ~ obviously they have not met my little sister. The texting man sent 140,000 text messages which apparently ended up being > unlimited?. The customer called in to complain and T-Mobile graciously agreed to let the $26,000 charge drop ~ how come it's always T-Mobile? The truth is you never really know what you might get in the mail with these phone contracts..
The service offers everything you need:
- No contracts, no surprise bills and no credit checks.
- Great nationwide coverage.
- Great, affordable phone selection.
- Long distance service to over 75 countries with rates as low as 15 cents/min.
- The ability to switch plans to suite your budget with no fees or penalties.
- Pay-as-you-go monthly minutes that carry over.........and much, much more.
It's a myth that you can't have a good phone service unless you have a contract. Non-contractual based phone services like NET 10 will leave you with extra money at the end of the month to spoil yourself. You know what you will pay and it will not exceed that number. So stop paying an arm and a leg and start paying just $50 a month.
Check out NET 10 on FACEBOOK and TWITTER.....
Evidently, the little white kid is pleased with her giant, miserable, melancholy horse but look at it's face. The first chance that horse gets, he is going to run off a cliff or into oncoming traffic....When I see abuse of this nature, I begin to understand why white peoples' animals eventually turn on them and attempt to eat them.
This is a "random" trampling waiting to happen.....
This horse is about to flip out......
LOOK AT HIM!
|Is this so sad!??|
People lap up anything advertisers tell them about how they can lose weight and have more chiseled thighs, abs or buttocks, ignoring the basic reality of life. There is almost no easy, fast, simple way to do anything naturally. To lose weight or get toned, you have to exercise and eat properly, end of story. Not according to Reebok who released their bun blasting, bust ripping, leg toning array of Easytone shoes and apparel in 2008.
Now Reebok has agreed to pay $25 million to settle an FTC lawsuit that charges that the company’s toning shoes do not reshape customers’ bodies as advertised. Reebok ads claimed that wearing Easytone shoes leads to 28% more strength and tone in the buttock muscles and 11% more strength and tone in hamstring and calf muscles than regular walking shoes. The FTC alleged that these assertions were false. Consequently, anyone that purchased certain Reebok toning shoes and/or apparel from December 5, 2008 through October 12, 2011, they may be eligible to receive payment from this class action settlement.
Read the Reebok settlement to find out if you are eligible for a refund...
"...The allegations suggested that the testing we conducted did not substantiate certain claims used in the advertising of our Easytone line of products,"
"...In order to avoid a protracted legal battle, Reebok has chosen to settle with the FTC."
"...Settling does not mean we agree with the FTC's allegations. We do not. We have received overwhelmingly enthusiastic feedback from thousands of Easytone customers."
As for the merit of such lawsuits, I view things differently. Companies need to launch a major class action lawsuit to sue customers for believing things that obviously can't be substantiated. These pills will make you 28% stronger, this bracelet will make you 56.7% smarter, wearing this Sweater will make you seem 67.89% less blacker ~ I think we have to draw a line somewhere. At some stage we, as human beings, have to be prepared to call ourselves stupid for believing certain things, especially when dealing with mass advertised consumer products.......When it come to drawing lines, common sense is a good pen to use.
*Call this toll free number for more information: 1-888-398-5389
|Inevitably he will say "f@ck it," it's just a matter of when....|
A guy called me and I ignored his call because I didn't want to seem too easy. Is this a good idea and do you think he will call me back?
Ignoring a guy's phone call is a great idea if you are age 11 to 15 or as part of the plot in and episode of Ugly Betty. I think that adult interaction should be conducted in an adult manner. Girls that play games will end up alone, hoarding many possessions, in the company of many cats, watching 30 Rock re-runs. Just be yourself and if you happen to be easy, there are some guys that dig that. Just be classy and worthy of respect and that's the bottom line.
Michael Jordan died twice, once from 1993 to 1995 and once again in 1998, beating a record previously owned by Lazarus of Bethany who died just once. Jordan was successfully resurrected twice by the Chicago Bulls and currently lives a normal life endorsing comfortable underwear and t-shirts.
~ Note....Jordan did not die of a Caesar....
|Signs of the Recession!|