100 Simple things you take for granted: #7 Hugs

7# Hugs



By Sparklingjem.
I am a huggist. I believe that hugs can make the world a better place; and that many, if not all, of the world's problems can be helped by opposing parties just turning to each other and saying “Hey man, gimme a hug.” Africanlegend (AL) completely disagrees with me and says that wanting to go around hugging everyone is some form of glorified hippie nonsense. Comparing us as experimental test subjects and taking the fact that I am happier, funnier, smarter, healthier, more attractive and generally much nicer we can conclude that I am right.

However, putting that aside, studies in various fields repeatedly show the importance of positive touch in development as well as emotional and physical health. According to Kathleen Keating who wrote “The Hug Therapy Book”, our society is suffering from a “sad condition best described as touch deprivation, skin hunger and hug inhibition. We need to recognize that every human being has a profound physical and emotional need for touch.”  Hugs are the most effective way of giving positive touch. American author and psychotherapist Virginia Satir said “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.”

So next time you want to throw a high heeled shoe at another girl's head or punch a guy in the neck, think about the fact that it can probably all be resolved with just one simple hug. It's totally free, environmentally friendly, needs no additional equipment, takes very little time and can be done anywhere so START HUGGING NOW!!!!!

CHECK OUT THE FULL LIST

7 Reasons I'm NOT a Racist White Person...

By Africanlegend
Being white offers many interesting social challenges. Basically, black people harp on every word you say and are eager to call you a racist while exhibiting rampant racism themselves. That's just how it is. In any case, if you are going to defend yourself against accusations, you need to come up with better ones than these.....

1. I'm not racist...My best friend is black.
Your best friend is black? May I be the first to congratulate you on this incredible achievement. What did he do to earn such an honor? Did he quit rapping? Shun a life of Sean Jean apparel and selling crack to replace it with polo shirts and endless hours of watching Friends? How does sighting one black individual that impacted your life absolve you of saying racist things or having ignorant ideas? Bad defense!


2. I'm not racist...I voted for Obama
Yes, you voted for the first black president of the United States. Granted this is a notable feat, but given the circumstances, did you really have any other choice? Consider that the opposition party forged a legacy that resulted in multiple pointless wars, Slot machine-like Dow Jones index, a nuclear detonation of the housing market and social Armageddon that caused families all over America to downsize from imported caviar to Walmart, generic ground beef. You had little choice but to vote for the "other guys" and they just happened to have a black candidate. Besides after three months in office, you hated the guy while loudly proclaiming that you didn't receive the leprechaun and pot of gold he promised.


3. I'm not racist...I grew up in (insert black, dangerous area)
Just because you grew up in Compton, Detroit or any other black infested, crime ridden city, it doesn't mean you are exempt from being racist. You may have experienced a tougher upbringing and you should probably be proud that you didn't get iced buying candy on the street corner. However, unless you plan to be the next Eminem, this information is useless to us. Besides, there are plenty of decent areas even in the toughest cities i.e suburbs where white people relocate to avoid black people (they are good at that you know) so lord knows this is hardly a good defense.


4. I'm not racist...My family used to have black people come over for dinner all the time.
Was that a memorable enough occurrence for you to even be stating it in public? The fact that you made mental note of this and view it as an achievement is a concern. I am glad you overcame your inner demons and actually let one black family have dinner at your house. Did you actually let them inside your house? That counts as extra. Did you allow them to use your finest silverware? Did you offer them chairs or did they sit on the floor like monkeys? Did you cook fried chicken for them? Tell us more about this to illustrate why this act of kindness exempts you from being racist.


5. I'm not racist...[Start crying]
This actually happened to me. I was at a party and some girl made some harmless, ambiguous, comment and I made some equally harmless retort and said. "wow you must not like black people," and smiled immediately afterwards to indicate the benign nature of my comment. The girl began to leak tears of racial equality from her eyes before a small outburst. "How can you say I don't like black people," she exclaimed before citing reason 1 in her own defense and bursting into tears. I asked her what possible reason she'd have for crying but before she could answer, Team Boyfriend arrived and ushered me onto the pavement outside thus beginning my confused, descent home. Granted while we were outside he acknowledged that he kicked me out of fear of greater repercussions from his girlfriend if he didn't take some form of action against me.


6. I'm not Racist...I watch BET
BET actually despises black people. It's mission is to provide mind numbing, brain eroding programming that will forever cripple the youth and encourage them to grow up and aspire only to be either rappers or athletes. It misrepresents black people and depicts comically dressed renditions of "hip-hop culture," reinforcing just about every negative black stereotype you can think of (wow that's a mouthful). Besides, it's owned by Viacom (white dudes) so arguably, watching BET will make you more racist.

7. I'm not Racist...I listen to Hip-Hop
Maybe this would fly a few years ago, but in recent times Hip Hop has been kidnapped and shipped off to white suburbia. Anything uncomfortable for white suburbia, like black empowerment, social critique, talks of "the struggle" or lyrics, has been removed and replaced with small catchy phrases and retarded dances. This revolution has left us with music about ice, bling, fast cars, blunts, bitches and many other destructive black stereotypes that can be enjoyed in bars or clubs by white people without having them feel any white guilt whatsoever.

Get a Dog!

Get a dog…
They COOK...
They CLEAN...
In fact a dog probably writes these posts...

How to win arguments with women: Play Possum

 They’ll say anything!

By Africanlegend.
Many animals have developed defensive mechanisms to protect themselves against predators. One of the more interesting methods is tonic immobility; inducing a natural state of paralysis so as to appear dead or mortally disabled to a would be predator. Several animals including: sharks, beetles, snakes and the Virginia Possum are capable of appearing dead to an observer, while otherwise alive. The ability to mimic the appearance of a sick or dead animal is commonly refereed to as "Playing Possom." Playing dead is remarkably effective. In fact, to survive a Grizzly Bear attack experts recommend the following:


1. Carry bear pepper spray?.
2. Don’t run. 
3. Drop to the ground in the fetal position and cover the back of your neck with your hands. 
4. Play dead. Grizzlies will stop attacking when they feel there’s no longer a threat. If they think you’re dead, they won’t think you’re threatening. Once the bear is done tossing you around and leaves, continue to play dead. Grizzlies are known for waiting around to see if their victim will get back up.

If it can work on a 1500 pound Grizzly Bear, it should work on a woman; I think.  Maybe on occasion, I'd take my chances with a bear, but let's assume the two to be at least equally lethal. The truth is, it takes two people to have an argument. If one person is inactive, then it becomes difficult to sustain the argument. As a guy, if you know that you are on the brink of a huge fight with a woman, head to a couch, a bed or any convenient area and fall asleep or at least pretend to. She might attack you by screaming or even crying. Don't move, you have to convince her that you are sound asleep and cannot be disturbed. You can let out a few incoherent grunts to add authenticity to your act, but avoid forming complete words or sentences. She may resort to deep, hurtful insults that you historically react badly to just to test your fortitude and agitate a reaction. Remain committed and concentrate hard, if you react, the gig is over and she will have the upper hand in the fight. Make sure you stay asleep and inactive for a while after she gives up on you because Girls are known for waiting around to see if their victim will get back up again.

Good Luck!!

100 simple things we take for granted: #6 Deodorant

#6 Deodorant

By Africanlegend
Deodorant is somewhat of an unsung hero. It is only appreciated in its absence. Usually after a long arduous days work and the effects of your deodorant wear off and you begin to suffocate in your own odor which seems to grow stronger by the minute. You may be dancing in a club and suddenly a dude walks past you and a tornado-like blast of pungent wind sweeps by you practically knocking you off your feet. He smells like a mixture of dead fish and cattle manure with a light seasoning of flatulence. Have you ever had a coworker that smelled so bad your were unable to work and the flowers you brought to decorate your cubical withered away in their presence? A person that smelled so bad you woke up in the middle of the night able to taste his bad smell in your mouth; a smell so bad it transcended your sense of smell and manifested itself in hearing, sight or even touch?

The fact is, when people smell ok, nobody stands back and says, “Wow! Thank goodness for your deodorant and the hard work its doing neutralizing your otherwise repulsive urea and salt enriched sweat.” In fact if it weren’t for repugnant, abhorrent smelling people would we even acknowledge the presence of deodorant at all?
Deodorant was invented in Philadelphia in 1888, by an inventor whose name seems to have been lost in history and marketed under the brand name “Mum.” Who ever you are, thank you for making offices all over the world a less toxic environment. In the late 1940's, Helen Barnett Diserens joined the Mum invention team and inspired the development of an underarm deodorant based on the same principle as a new invention called the 'ball point' pen. This new type of deodorant applicator was tested in the U.S. in 1952 and was marketed under the name of Ban Roll-On. The modern formulation of the antiperspirant was patented by Jules Montenier on January 28, 1941 and solved the excessive skin irritations caused by it’s predecessors. From that point onwards many companies, including Gillette and Henkel helped antiperspirants develop into the form in which we commonly see it in today (Source).

Notes: During the development of modern day deodorant, two culprits did their level best to keep us smelling like the stinky remnants of our ancestors. The FDA and EPA saw it fit to foolishly protect our environment and health instead of worrying about the impact bad smelling people were having on socializing and the growth of the economy in general.

1) 1977 the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) banned the active ingredient used in aerosols, aluminum zirconium chemicals, due to safety concerns over long term inhalation.


2) The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) limited the use of chlorofluorocarbon (CFC) propellants used in aerosols due to awareness that these gases can contribute to depleting the ozone layer.

So next time your co-worker walks by you or your friend gives you a hug and it doesn’t smell bad enough to cause you severe nausea, convulsions and asphyxia, think about the unsung hero that never makes the headlines unless in absentia. Viva deodorant, I thank you for my sanity.


FULL LIST!!